It is a fine thing, reader, to be lifted in moment from indigence to wealth—a very fine thing; but not a matter one can comprehend, or consequently enjoy, all at once…One does not jump, and spring, and shout hurrah! at hearing one has got a fortune; one begins to consider responsibilities and to ponder business; on a base of steady satisfaction rise certain grave cares—and we contain ourselves, and brood over our bliss with a solemn brow.
It seemed I had found a brother; one I could be proud of—one I could love; and two sisters, whose qualities were such, that when I knew them but as mere strangers, they had inspired me with genuine affection and admiration…This was wealth indeed!—wealth to the heart!—a mine of pure, genial affections.
I looked at the blank wall; it seemed a sky, thick with ascending stars—every one lighted me to a purpose or delight. Those who had saved my life, whom, till this hour, I had loved barrenly, I could now benefit. They were under a yoke; I could free them: they were scattered—I could reunite them—the independence, the affluence, which was mine, might be theirs too.
“God and nature intended you for a missionary’s wife. It is not personal but mental endowments they have given you; you are formed for labor, not for love. A missionary’s wife you must—shall be. You shall be mine; I claim you—not for my pleasure but for my Sovereign’s service.”
I broke from St. John, who had followed, and would have detained me. It was my turn to assume ascendency…I told him to forbear question or remark; I desired him to leave me; I must, and would be alone…I mounted to my chamber, locked myself in, fell on my knees, and prayed in my way—a different way to St. John’s—but effective in its own fashion. I seemed to penetrate very near a Mighty Spirit, and my soul rushed out in gratitude at His feet.