No Fear Shakespeare: The Merry Wives of Windsor: Act 1 Scene 1

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Enter JUSTICE SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS.	JUSTICE SHALLOW , SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS enter.
SHALLOW Sir Hugh, persuade me not. I will make a Star-Chamber matter of it. If he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, Esquire.	SHALLOW Sir Hugh, don’t try to talk me out of it. I’ll take this to the high court. Even if there were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, they couldn’t take advantage of Robert Shallow, Esquire Shallow is referring to himself. Esquire was the title for a gentleman below a knight. Esquire .
SLENDER 5 In the county of Gloucester, Justice of Peace and Coram.	SLENDER Robert Shallow, the Justice of Peace and Coram Slender is mispronouncing quorum, a legal term for a group of justices who can only act as a group. Coram for the county of Gloucester.
SHALLOW Ay, Cousin Slender, and Custalorum.	SHALLOW Yes, Cousin Slender, and Custalorum Shallow means to say custos rotulorum, or a county’s main justice of the peace. Custalorum .
SLENDER Ay, and Ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, Master Parson, who writes himself “Armigero” 10 in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation— “Armigero!”	SLENDER Yes, and Ratolorum too Both Slender and Shallow are confused about the right terminology. Ratolorum too And he was born into the nobility, Master Parson Slender is addressing Sir Hugh Evans, who is a member of the clergy. Master Parson . He writes “Armigero” when he signs any bill, warrant, debt forgiveness, or obligation. “Armigero!” Armigero is Latin for someone who carries weapons, meaning a knight. However, Shallow calling himself “Esquire” above contradicts this claim. “Armigero!”
SHALLOW Ay, that I do, and have done any time these three hundred years.	SHALLOW That’s right, I do. And I’ve done so for three hundred years Shallow means that his ancestors have been knights going back three hundred years. three hundred years .
SLENDER All his successors gone before him hath 15 done ’t, and all his ancestors that come after him may. They may give the dozen white luces in their coat.	SLENDER All his successors who came before him did it, and all his ancestors who will come after him may do it too Slender mixes up “successor” with “ancestor” and vice versa. All his successors who came before him did it, and all his ancestors who will come after him may do it too . They may continue to pass on the dozen white luces A “luce” is a kind of fish. luces on your coat of arms.
SHALLOW It is an old coat.	SHALLOW It’s an old coat of arms.
SIR HUGH The dozen white louses do become an old 20 coat well. It agrees well, passant. It is a familiar beast to man and signifies love.	SIR HUGH The dozen white louses Sir Hugh thinks Slender said “louses,” as in “lice,” instead of “luces.” louses are very appropriate for such an old coat, especially passant On a coat of arms, “passant” refers to the depiction of an animal walking, but it is difficult to imagine either a louse or a fish walking. passant . It’s a familiar animal and signifies love.
SHALLOW The luce is the fresh fish. The salt fish is an old coat.	SHALLOW I said “luce,” as in the fresh fish. An old cod is a salt fish Shallow thinks Sir Hugh said “old cod” instead of “old coat.” An old cod is a salt fish .
SLENDER I may quarter, coz.	SLENDER I might end up quartering our shield, cousin To “quarter” a coat of arms is to divide it to incorporate another family’s shield to reflect a union, usually one achieved through marriage. I might end up quartering our shield, cousin .
SHALLOW 25 You may, by marrying.	SHALLOW You might, if you marry.
SIR HUGH It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.	SIR HUGH Quartering it would certainly mar it Sir Hugh hears “mar,” as in harm, instead of “marry,” and interprets “quarter” as “cut.” Quartering it would certainly mar it .
SHALLOW Not a whit.	SHALLOW Not one bit.
SIR HUGH Yes, py ’r Lady. If he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my 30 simple conjectures. But that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the Church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and compromises between you.	SIR HUGH By the Virgin Mary, it would. If he takes out a quarter of your coat, then you’d have only three parts of it left, as far as I can tell. But it doesn’t matter. If Sir John Falstaff has insulted you, then, as a member of the Church, I’d be glad to help you both reach a peaceful compromise.
SHALLOW 35 The Council shall hear it; it is a riot.	SHALLOW The council will hear about his immoral conduct.
SIR HUGH It is not meet the Council hear a riot. There is no fear of Got in a riot. The Council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot. Take your visaments in that.	SIR HUGH It’s not appropriate for the council to hear about immoral conduct Shallow is talking about a judicial council, but Sir Hugh thinks he means a Church council. It’s not appropriate for the council to hear about immoral conduct .There’s no respect for God in that. The council wants to hear about respect for God, not immoral conduct, understand?
SHALLOW 40 Ha! O’ my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.	SHALLOW Ha! I swear if I were young again, I’d put an end to this with my sword.
SIR HUGH It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it. And there is also another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions with 45 it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.	SIR HUGH It’s better to put an end to it as friends, not with a sword. And there’s something else on my mind—maybe a good idea. There’s an Anne Page, daughter of Master Thomas Page. And she’s a virgin.
SLENDER Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair and speaks small like a woman?	SLENDER Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair and a soft voice like a woman?
SIR HUGH It is that fery person for all the ’orld, as just 50 as you will desire. And seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!) give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old. It were a goot motion if we leave our 55 pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.	SIR HUGH Yes, exactly, that’s the one. And her grandfather left seven hundred pounds in money, gold, and silver—may God deliver him to heaven!—that she’ll inherit when she turns seventeen. It would be a good idea to stop all this bickering and try to arrange a marriage between Slender and Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDER Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?	SLENDER Her grandfather left her seven hundred pounds?
SIR HUGH Ay, and her father is make her a petter 60 penny.	SIR HUGH Yes, and her father’s going to leave her a pretty penny himself.
SLENDER I know the young gentlewoman. She has good gifts.	SLENDER I know the young lady. She has good qualities.
SIR HUGH Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.	SIR HUGH Such as seven hundred pounds and probably more later.
SHALLOW 65 Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?	SHALLOW Well, let’s go see the honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
SIR HUGH Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight Sir John is there, and I beseech 70 you be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page. He knocks. What ho? Got pless your house here.	SIR HUGH I can’t lie to you. I hate a liar as much as I hate someone who’s dishonest—or as much as I hate someone who isn’t honest. So, yes, the knight Sir John is there, but please, keep my advice in mind. He knocks. Hello, God bless your house here.
PAGE , within Who’s there?	PAGE , within Who’s there?
SIR HUGH Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and 75 Justice Shallow, and here young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.	SIR HUGH God’s blessing is here, as are myself, Justice Shallow, and young Master Slender. They might have something interesting to tell you if you’d like to hear it.
Enter MASTER PAGE.	MASTER PAGE enters.
PAGE I am glad to see your Worships well. I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.	PAGE I’m glad to see you’re all well. And thanks for the meat, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW 80 Master Page, I am glad to see you. Much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page? And I thank you always with my heart, la, with my heart.	SHALLOW Master Page, I’m glad to see you. I hope you feel the same way. As for the meat, I had better hopes for it. It was badly killed. How’s the good Mistress Page? And thank you, as always, with all my heart.
PAGE 85 Sir, I thank you.	PAGE Sir, I’m the one who should thank you.
SHALLOW Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.	SHALLOW Sir, I should thank you. And, certainly or uncertainly, I do.
PAGE I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.	PAGE I’m glad to see you, good Master Slender.
SLENDER How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun on Cotsall.	SLENDER How’s your brown greyhound, sir? I heard he lost a race in the Cotswolds The Cotswolds are a hilly region in England. the Cotswolds .
PAGE 90 It could not be judged, sir.	PAGE It couldn’t be properly judged, sir.
SLENDER You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.	SLENDER You don’t want to admit it, then.
SHALLOW That he will not. ’Tis your fault, ’tis your fault. ’Tis a good dog.	SHALLOW No, he won’t, because you’re wrong. It’s a good dog.
PAGE A cur, sir.	PAGE It’s a mutt, sir.
SHALLOW 95 Sir, he’s a good dog and a fair dog. Can there be more said? He is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?	SHALLOW Sir, he’s a good dog and a beautiful dog. What more can be said? He’s good and beautiful. Is Sir John Falstaff here?
PAGE Sir, he is within, and I would I could do a good office between you.	PAGE Sir, he’s inside, and I wish I could help with this matter between you two.
SIR HUGH 100 It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.	SIR HUGH Spoken like a true Christian.
SHALLOW He hath wronged me, Master Page.	SHALLOW He’s wronged me, Master Page.
PAGE Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.	PAGE Sir, he’s admitted to that in his own way.
SHALLOW If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not that so, Master Page? He hath wronged me, indeed 105 he hath; at a word, he hath. Believe me. Robert Shallow, Esquire, saith he is wronged.	SHALLOW Even if he’s admitted to it, he hasn’t made up for it, has he, Master Page? He’s wronged me, yes, he has. In short, he has. Believe me. I, Robert Shallow, Esquire, say that I’ve been wronged.
Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL.	SIR JOHN FALSTAFF , BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL enter.
PAGE Here comes Sir John.	PAGE Here comes Sir John.
FALSTAFF Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the King?	FALSTAFF Now, Master Shallow, I suppose you’re going to complain about me to the king?
SHALLOW 110 Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge.	SHALLOW Knight, you beat my men, killed my deer, and broke into my cabin.
FALSTAFF But not kissed your keeper’s daughter.	FALSTAFF But I didn’t kiss your keeper’s daughter A gamekeeper is someone left in charge of a property used for hunting. The cabin is where he lives. keeper’s daughter .
SHALLOW Tut, a pin. This shall be answered.	SHALLOW Empty words. Answer me.
FALSTAFF I will answer it straight: I have done all this. 115 That is now answered.	FALSTAFF I’ll answer you directly: I did all of it. Now I’ve answered.
SHALLOW The Council shall know this.	SHALLOW The council will hear about this.
FALSTAFF ’Twere better for you if it were known in counsel. You’ll be laughed at.	FALSTAFF It would be better for you if it were kept secret. You’ll be laughed at.
SIR HUGH Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts.	SIR HUGH Your words are few, Sir John, but they’re good words.
FALSTAFF 120 Good worts? Good cabbage!—Slender, I broke your head. What matter have you against me?	FALSTAFF Good “worts”? Good cabbage Sir Hugh is from Wales and speaks with an accent from that region. He pronounces “words” as “worts,” which is another word for cabbage. Good “worts”? Good cabbage ! Slender, I hit you in the head—so what’s your complaint?
SLENDER Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, 125 Nym, and Pistol.	SLENDER Indeed, sir, I have plenty in my head against you and your criminal friends, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol.
BARDOLF You Banbury cheese!	BARDOLF You Banbury cheese Bardolf is insulting Slender’s lean frame by comparing him to what was a particularly thin cheese from the town of Banbury. You Banbury cheese !
SLENDER Ay, it is no matter.	SLENDER Never mind.
PISTOL How now, Mephostophilus?	PISTOL What’s that, Mephistopheles Mephistopheles is the name of the devil in German folklore. Mephistopheles ?
SLENDER Ay, it is no matter.	SLENDER Never mind.
NYM 130 Slice, I say! Pauca, pauca. Slice, that’s my humor.	NYM Slice This refers back to the cheese insult. Slice , you’re a man of few words! And slice Now meaning “cut with a sword.” slice is what I’d like to do to you.
SLENDER , to SHALLOW Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?	SLENDER , to SHALLOW Where’s Simple, my servant? Do you know, cousin?
SIR HUGH Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand; there is three umpires in this matter, as I understand: 135 that is, Master Page (fidelicet Master Page); and there is myself (fidelicet myself); and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine Host of the Garter.	SIR HUGH Please, let’s be peaceful. Now, let me see if I understand. There are three judges in this dispute: Master Page (namely, Master Page) and myself (namely, myself). And the third party, lastly and finally, is my friend, the host of the Garter Inn.
PAGE We three to hear it and end it between them.	PAGE We three will hear the dispute and settle it.
SIR HUGH Fery goot. I will make a prief of it in my 140 notebook, and we will afterwards ’ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.	SIR HUGH Very good, I’ll jot this down in my notebook and we’ll get to work on the case as carefully as we can.
FALSTAFF Pistol.	FALSTAFF Pistol.
PISTOL He hears with ears.	PISTOL I’m all ears.
SIR HUGH The tevil and his tam! What phrase is this, 145 “He hears with ear”? Why, it is affectations.	SIR HUGH The devil and his mother! What kind of expression is that? “I’m all ears”? You sound pretentious.
FALSTAFF Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?	FALSTAFF Pistol, did you steal from Master Slender’s purse?
SLENDER Ay, by these gloves, did he—or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else—of seven groats in mill-sixpences, 150 and two Edward shovel-boards that cost me two shilling and twopence apiece of Yed Miller, by these gloves.	SLENDER Yes, I swear on these gloves—and if I’m lying, may I never sleep in my bed again—he stole seven groats in mill-sixpences Seven groats was the equivalent of twenty-eight pence. The mill-sixpence was a coin stamped as being worth six pence. seven groats in mill-sixpences and two Edward shuffleboards These are coins used in the game of shuffleboard. Edward shuffleboards that I bought from Yed Miller for two shillings and two pennies each. I swear on these gloves.
FALSTAFF Is this true, Pistol?	FALSTAFF Is this true, Pistol?
SIR HUGH No, it is false, if it is a pickpurse.	SIR HUGH If he is a pickpocket, then nothing he says is true.
PISTOL 155 Ha, thou mountain foreigner!—Sir John and master mine, I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.—Word of denial in thy labras here! Word of denial! Froth and scum, thou liest.	PISTOL Ha, you foreigner from the mountains Wales is a mountainous region. foreigner from the mountains ! Sir John, my master, I challenge this tin sword here to a duel. Lies on his lips! Lies! You’re a liar, you worthless scum.
SLENDER , indicating NYM By these gloves, then ’twas 160 he.	SLENDER , indicating NYM I swear on these gloves it was him.
NYM Be avised, sir, and pass good humors. I will say “marry trap with you” if you run the nuthook’s humor on me. That is the very note of it.	NYM I’m warning you, sir, be nice. You can get lost if you’re going to keep acting like the police with me. That’s the bottom line.
SLENDER By this hat, then, he in the red face had it. 165 For, though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.	SLENDER I swear on this hat, then, that the one with the red face took it. Even though I can’t remember what I did after you got me drunk, I’m not a complete fool.
FALSTAFF What say you, Scarlet and John?	FALSTAFF What do you say to that, Scarlet and John Will Scarlet and Little John were two of Robin Hood’s merry men. Falstaff calls Bardolph “Scarlet” because of the remark about his red face and probably adds “and John” to quote from the ballad “The Jolly Pinder of Wakefield”: “’Twas Robin Hood, Scarlet, and John.” Scarlet and John ?
BARDOLPH Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman 170 had drunk himself out of his five sentences.	BARDOLPH Well, sir, personally, I think this gentleman was so drunk that he’d lost his five sentences.
SIR HUGH It is “his five senses.” Fie, what the ignorance is!	SIR HUGH You mean “his five senses.” Ugh, what ignorance!
BARDOLPH , to FALSTAFF And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered. And so conclusions passed the 175 careers.	BARDOLPH , to FALSTAFF And being drunk, sir, he was, as they say, cashiered “Cashiered” was Elizabethan slang for “kicked out.” cashiered . And so, conclusions passed the careers This is more slang: “Things got out of control.” And so, conclusions passed the careers .
SLENDER Ay, you spake in Latin then too. But ’tis no matter. I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. If I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of 180 God, and not with drunken knaves.	SLENDER I see you speak Latin In other words, Slender doesn’t understand what Bardolph just said. I see you speak Latin . In any case, after being tricked like this, I’ll never get drunk again as long as I live—unless it’s with honest, civil, God-worshipping people. If I’m drunk, it’ll be with people who fear God, not drunken criminals.
SIR HUGH So Got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind.	SIR HUGH That’s a virtuous idea—may God judge me if I’m wrong.
FALSTAFF You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen. You hear it.	FALSTAFF Well, gentlemen, you’ve heard your accusations denied. You’ve heard it for yourselves.
Enter ANNE PAGE with wine.	ANNE PAGE enters with wine.
PAGE Nay, daughter, carry the wine in. We’ll drink 185 within.	PAGE No, daughter, take the wine back in. We’ll drink inside.
ANNE PAGE exits.	ANNE PAGE exits.
SLENDER O heaven, this is Mistress Anne Page.	SLENDER Oh, my heavens, that’s Mistress Anne Page.
Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE.	MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE enter.
PAGE How now, Mistress Ford?	PAGE How are you, Mistress Ford?
FALSTAFF Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met. By your leave, good mistress.	FALSTAFF Mistress Ford, it’s certainly very good to see you. If I may, good mistress.
He kisses her.	He kisses her.
PAGE 190 Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome.—Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.	PAGE Wife, make these gentlemen feel welcome. Come, we’re having a hot meat pie for dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we can drink away all this unkindness between us.
All but SLENDER, SHALLOW, and SIR HUGH exit.	All but SLENDER, SHALLOW, and SIR HUGH exit.
SLENDER I had rather than forty shillings I had my book of Songs and Sonnets here!	SLENDER I’d give forty shillings to have my book of Songs and Sonnets here Presumably, Slender wants to read love poems to Anne. I’d give forty shillings to have my book of Songs and Sonnets here !
Enter SIMPLE.	SIMPLE enters.
SLENDER 195 How now, Simple? Where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you?	SLENDER How are you, Simple? Where have you been? Am I supposed to serve myself? You don’t have the Book of Riddles Slender thinks a book of riddles might substitute for a book of love poems. Book of Riddles with you, do you?
SIMPLE Book of Riddles? Why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight 200 afore Michaelmas?	SIMPLE Book of Riddles? Didn’t you lend it to Alice Shortcake last All Saints’ Day A Christian celebration of the saints on November 1. All Saints’ Day , two weeks before Michaelmas A Christian celebration of Saint Michael on September 29. It takes place a month before All Saints’ Day, not two weeks after. Simple is confused. Michaelmas ?
SHALLOW , to SLENDER Come, coz; come, coz. We stay for you. A word with you, coz. Marry, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me?	SHALLOW , to SLENDER Come, cousin, we’re waiting for you. Can I have a word with you, cousin? Here’s how it is, cousin: an offer of sorts has been made by Sir Hugh—but not from him. Do you understand what I’m saying?
SLENDER 205 Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable. If it be so, I shall do that that is reason.	SLENDER Yes, sir, and you’ll find that I’m a reasonable person. If the offer is reasonable, then I’ll do what’s reasonable.
SHALLOW Nay, but understand me.	SHALLOW I don’t think you understand.
SLENDER So I do, sir.	SLENDER I do, sir.
SIR HUGH Give ear to his motions, Master Slender. I 210 will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.	SIR HUGH Listen to him, Master Slender. I’ll explain it to you if you’re capable of understanding.
SLENDER Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I pray you, pardon me. He’s a Justice of Peace in his country, simple though I stand here.	SLENDER No, I’ll do what my cousin Shallow is asking. Please excuse me. After all, simpleminded as I may be, he’s a justice of the peace where he’s from.
SIR HUGH 215 But that is not the question. The question is concerning your marriage.	SIR HUGH But that’s not the question. The question is about you marrying.
SHALLOW Ay, there’s the point, sir.	SHALLOW Yes, that’s the point, sir.
SIR HUGH Marry, is it, the very point of it—to Mistress Anne Page.	SIR HUGH Exactly, that’s the point—marrying Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDER 220 Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands.	SLENDER Well, if this is true, then I’ll marry her on any reasonable terms.
SIR HUGH But can you affection the ’oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of 225 the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?	SIR HUGH But can you have feelings for the woman? Let’s hear it from your mouth—or from your lips. Some philosophers believe that the lips are part of the mouth. So, can you bring your good intentions to her?
SHALLOW Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?	SHALLOW Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
SLENDER I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.	SLENDER I hope I can, sir. I’ll do whatever is appropriate for a reasonable person to do.
SIR HUGH 230 Nay, Got’s lords and His ladies! You must speak positable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.	SIR HUGH No! in the name of God’s lords and ladies, you must tell us for certain whether you can desire her.
SHALLOW That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?	SHALLOW Yes, you must. Will you, if the dowry A dowry is money and property that a woman brings from her family to a marriage. dowry is good, marry her?
SLENDER 235 I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason.	SLENDER I’ll do even more than that if you ask me, cousin—for whatever reason.
SHALLOW Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz. What I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?	SHALLOW No, try to understand what I’m saying, my good-natured cousin. I’m doing this for you, cousin. Can you love the girl?
SLENDER 240 I will marry her, sir, at your request. But if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion to know one another. I hope upon familiarity will grow 245 more content. But if you say “Marry her,” I will marry her. That I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.	SLENDER I’ll marry her, sir, if that’s what you want. But if there isn’t much love at first, heaven may decrease it as we get to know each other better This isn’t what Slender means. He mistakenly says “decrease” instead of “increase.” But if there isn’t much love at first, heaven may decrease it as we get to know each other better . I hope that as our familiarity grows, so does our happiness. But if you say, “Marry her,” I’ll marry her. I’m dissolved He means “resolved,” as in “decided.” dissolved of my own will to do it, and dissolutely He means “resolutely.” “Dissolute” means “depraved.” dissolutely .
SIR HUGH It is a fery discretion answer, save the fall is in the ’ord “dissolutely.” The ’ort is, according to 250 our meaning, “resolutely.” His meaning is good.	SIR HUGH That’s a very wise answer, except for the “dissolutely” part. The word, in my opinion, should be “resolutely.” He meant well.
SHALLOW Ay, I think my cousin meant well.	SHALLOW Yes, I think my cousin meant well.
SLENDER Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!	SLENDER Yes, may I be hanged if I didn’t!
Enter ANNE PAGE.	ANNE PAGE enters.
SHALLOW Here comes fair Mistress Anne.—Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne.	SHALLOW Here comes the beautiful Mistress Anne. Seeing you makes me wish I were young, Mistress Anne.
ANNE 255 The dinner is on the table. My father desires your Worships’ company	ANNE Dinner is on the table. My father would like you all to join him.
SHALLOW I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.	SHALLOW I’ll do as he wishes, beautiful Mistress Anne.
SIR HUGH ’Od’s plessèd will, I will not be absence at the grace.	SIR HUGH With God’s blessed will, I wouldn’t want to miss grace A Christian prayer said before a meal. grace .
SIR HUGH and SHALLOW exit.	SIR HUGH and SHALLOW exit.
ANNE , to SLENDER 260 Will ’t please your Worship to come in, sir?	ANNE , to SLENDER Would you like to come in, sir?
SLENDER No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily. I am very well.	SLENDER No, thank you, truly and wholeheartedly. I’m fine.
ANNE The dinner attends you, sir.	ANNE They’re waiting for you, sir.
SLENDER 265 I am not ahungry, I thank you, forsooth. (To SIMPLE.) Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my cousin Shallow. (SIMPLE exits.) A Justice of Peace sometime may be beholding to his friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy 270 yet, till my mother be dead. But what though? Yet I live like a poor gentleman born.	SLENDER I’m not hungry, but thank you, really. (To SIMPLE.) You there, I know you’re my servant, but I want you to go serve my cousin Shallow. (SIMPLE exits.) Sometimes even a justice of the peace needs a servant from his friend. Until my mother dies, I’ll only keep three male servants and a boy. But so what? I still live like I was born poor.
ANNE I may not go in without your Worship. They will not sit till you come.	ANNE I can’t go back in without you. They won’t sit down until you’re there.
SLENDER I’ faith, I’ll eat nothing. I thank you as much 275 as though I did.	SLENDER Really, I don’t want to eat anything. But I thank you for the meal anyway.
ANNE I pray you, sir, walk in.	ANNE Please, sir, come in.
SLENDER I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my shin th’ other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence—three veneys for a 280 dish of stewed prunes—and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? Be there bears i’ th’ town?	SLENDER I’d rather walk around here, thank you. I bruised my shin the other day while playing sword and dagger with a fencing master. We played three matches, then ate a dish of stewed prunes, and I swear, I haven’t been able to stand the smell of hot food since. Why are your dogs barking like that? Are there bears in this town?
ANNE I think there are, sir. I heard them talked of.	ANNE I think there are, sir. I’ve heard people talk about them.
SLENDER I love the sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel 285 at it as any man in England. You are afraid if you see the bear loose, are you not?	SLENDER I love the sport Bearbaiting, in which a bear chained to a pole fights dogs, was a popular sport of the time. sport , but I always get into a fight when I go, just like any other man in England. Are you afraid when you see a loose bear?
ANNE Ay, indeed, sir.	ANNE Yes, of course, sir.
SLENDER That’s meat and drink to me, now. I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken 290 him by the chain. But, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shrieked at it that it passed. But women, indeed, cannot abide ’em; they are very ill-favored rough things.	SLENDER Bearbaiting is my kind of nourishment. I’ve seen Sackerson The name of a famous bearbaiting bear in late sixteenth-century London. Sackerson get loose twenty times, and I’ve even taken him by the chain. You should’ve seen how the women shouted and screamed. But women can’t stand them, it’s true,. Bears are very ugly, rough creatures.
Enter PAGE.	PAGE enters.
PAGE Come, gentle Master Slender, come. We stay for 295 you.	PAGE Come, gentle Master Slander, come. We’re waiting for you.
SLENDER I’ll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.	SLENDER I’m not going to eat anything, thank you.
PAGE By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! Come, come.	PAGE It’s not up to you, sir! Come, come!
SLENDER Nay, pray you, lead the way.	SLENDER All right, but please, you lead the way.
PAGE 300 Come on, sir.	PAGE Come on, sir.
SLENDER Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.	SLENDER Mistress Anne, you go first.
ANNE Not I, sir. Pray you, keep on.	ANNE Not me, sir. Please, you go.
SLENDER Truly, I will not go first, truly, la! I will not do you that wrong.	SLENDER Really, I won’t go first! I wouldn’t be so impolite to you.
ANNE 305 I pray you, sir.	ANNE Please, sir.
SLENDER I’ll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!	SLENDER I guess I’d rather be impolite than troublesome. But you’re bringing it on yourself!
They exit.	They exit.

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Original Text	Modern Text
Enter JUSTICE SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS.	JUSTICE SHALLOW , SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS enter.
SHALLOW Sir Hugh, persuade me not. I will make a Star-Chamber matter of it. If he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, Esquire.	SHALLOW Sir Hugh, don’t try to talk me out of it. I’ll take this to the high court. Even if there were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, they couldn’t take advantage of Robert Shallow, Esquire Shallow is referring to himself. Esquire was the title for a gentleman below a knight. Esquire .
SLENDER 5 In the county of Gloucester, Justice of Peace and Coram.	SLENDER Robert Shallow, the Justice of Peace and Coram Slender is mispronouncing quorum, a legal term for a group of justices who can only act as a group. Coram for the county of Gloucester.
SHALLOW Ay, Cousin Slender, and Custalorum.	SHALLOW Yes, Cousin Slender, and Custalorum Shallow means to say custos rotulorum, or a county’s main justice of the peace. Custalorum .
SLENDER Ay, and Ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, Master Parson, who writes himself “Armigero” 10 in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation— “Armigero!”	SLENDER Yes, and Ratolorum too Both Slender and Shallow are confused about the right terminology. Ratolorum too And he was born into the nobility, Master Parson Slender is addressing Sir Hugh Evans, who is a member of the clergy. Master Parson . He writes “Armigero” when he signs any bill, warrant, debt forgiveness, or obligation. “Armigero!” Armigero is Latin for someone who carries weapons, meaning a knight. However, Shallow calling himself “Esquire” above contradicts this claim. “Armigero!”
SHALLOW Ay, that I do, and have done any time these three hundred years.	SHALLOW That’s right, I do. And I’ve done so for three hundred years Shallow means that his ancestors have been knights going back three hundred years. three hundred years .
SLENDER All his successors gone before him hath 15 done ’t, and all his ancestors that come after him may. They may give the dozen white luces in their coat.	SLENDER All his successors who came before him did it, and all his ancestors who will come after him may do it too Slender mixes up “successor” with “ancestor” and vice versa. All his successors who came before him did it, and all his ancestors who will come after him may do it too . They may continue to pass on the dozen white luces A “luce” is a kind of fish. luces on your coat of arms.
SHALLOW It is an old coat.	SHALLOW It’s an old coat of arms.
SIR HUGH The dozen white louses do become an old 20 coat well. It agrees well, passant. It is a familiar beast to man and signifies love.	SIR HUGH The dozen white louses Sir Hugh thinks Slender said “louses,” as in “lice,” instead of “luces.” louses are very appropriate for such an old coat, especially passant On a coat of arms, “passant” refers to the depiction of an animal walking, but it is difficult to imagine either a louse or a fish walking. passant . It’s a familiar animal and signifies love.
SHALLOW The luce is the fresh fish. The salt fish is an old coat.	SHALLOW I said “luce,” as in the fresh fish. An old cod is a salt fish Shallow thinks Sir Hugh said “old cod” instead of “old coat.” An old cod is a salt fish .
SLENDER I may quarter, coz.	SLENDER I might end up quartering our shield, cousin To “quarter” a coat of arms is to divide it to incorporate another family’s shield to reflect a union, usually one achieved through marriage. I might end up quartering our shield, cousin .
SHALLOW 25 You may, by marrying.	SHALLOW You might, if you marry.
SIR HUGH It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.	SIR HUGH Quartering it would certainly mar it Sir Hugh hears “mar,” as in harm, instead of “marry,” and interprets “quarter” as “cut.” Quartering it would certainly mar it .
SHALLOW Not a whit.	SHALLOW Not one bit.
SIR HUGH Yes, py ’r Lady. If he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my 30 simple conjectures. But that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the Church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and compromises between you.	SIR HUGH By the Virgin Mary, it would. If he takes out a quarter of your coat, then you’d have only three parts of it left, as far as I can tell. But it doesn’t matter. If Sir John Falstaff has insulted you, then, as a member of the Church, I’d be glad to help you both reach a peaceful compromise.
SHALLOW 35 The Council shall hear it; it is a riot.	SHALLOW The council will hear about his immoral conduct.
SIR HUGH It is not meet the Council hear a riot. There is no fear of Got in a riot. The Council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot. Take your visaments in that.	SIR HUGH It’s not appropriate for the council to hear about immoral conduct Shallow is talking about a judicial council, but Sir Hugh thinks he means a Church council. It’s not appropriate for the council to hear about immoral conduct .There’s no respect for God in that. The council wants to hear about respect for God, not immoral conduct, understand?
SHALLOW 40 Ha! O’ my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.	SHALLOW Ha! I swear if I were young again, I’d put an end to this with my sword.
SIR HUGH It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it. And there is also another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions with 45 it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.	SIR HUGH It’s better to put an end to it as friends, not with a sword. And there’s something else on my mind—maybe a good idea. There’s an Anne Page, daughter of Master Thomas Page. And she’s a virgin.
SLENDER Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair and speaks small like a woman?	SLENDER Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair and a soft voice like a woman?
SIR HUGH It is that fery person for all the ’orld, as just 50 as you will desire. And seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!) give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old. It were a goot motion if we leave our 55 pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.	SIR HUGH Yes, exactly, that’s the one. And her grandfather left seven hundred pounds in money, gold, and silver—may God deliver him to heaven!—that she’ll inherit when she turns seventeen. It would be a good idea to stop all this bickering and try to arrange a marriage between Slender and Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDER Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?	SLENDER Her grandfather left her seven hundred pounds?
SIR HUGH Ay, and her father is make her a petter 60 penny.	SIR HUGH Yes, and her father’s going to leave her a pretty penny himself.
SLENDER I know the young gentlewoman. She has good gifts.	SLENDER I know the young lady. She has good qualities.
SIR HUGH Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.	SIR HUGH Such as seven hundred pounds and probably more later.
SHALLOW 65 Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?	SHALLOW Well, let’s go see the honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
SIR HUGH Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight Sir John is there, and I beseech 70 you be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page. He knocks. What ho? Got pless your house here.	SIR HUGH I can’t lie to you. I hate a liar as much as I hate someone who’s dishonest—or as much as I hate someone who isn’t honest. So, yes, the knight Sir John is there, but please, keep my advice in mind. He knocks. Hello, God bless your house here.
PAGE , within Who’s there?	PAGE , within Who’s there?
SIR HUGH Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and 75 Justice Shallow, and here young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.	SIR HUGH God’s blessing is here, as are myself, Justice Shallow, and young Master Slender. They might have something interesting to tell you if you’d like to hear it.
Enter MASTER PAGE.	MASTER PAGE enters.
PAGE I am glad to see your Worships well. I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.	PAGE I’m glad to see you’re all well. And thanks for the meat, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW 80 Master Page, I am glad to see you. Much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page? And I thank you always with my heart, la, with my heart.	SHALLOW Master Page, I’m glad to see you. I hope you feel the same way. As for the meat, I had better hopes for it. It was badly killed. How’s the good Mistress Page? And thank you, as always, with all my heart.
PAGE 85 Sir, I thank you.	PAGE Sir, I’m the one who should thank you.
SHALLOW Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.	SHALLOW Sir, I should thank you. And, certainly or uncertainly, I do.
PAGE I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.	PAGE I’m glad to see you, good Master Slender.
SLENDER How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun on Cotsall.	SLENDER How’s your brown greyhound, sir? I heard he lost a race in the Cotswolds The Cotswolds are a hilly region in England. the Cotswolds .
PAGE 90 It could not be judged, sir.	PAGE It couldn’t be properly judged, sir.
SLENDER You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.	SLENDER You don’t want to admit it, then.
SHALLOW That he will not. ’Tis your fault, ’tis your fault. ’Tis a good dog.	SHALLOW No, he won’t, because you’re wrong. It’s a good dog.
PAGE A cur, sir.	PAGE It’s a mutt, sir.
SHALLOW 95 Sir, he’s a good dog and a fair dog. Can there be more said? He is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?	SHALLOW Sir, he’s a good dog and a beautiful dog. What more can be said? He’s good and beautiful. Is Sir John Falstaff here?
PAGE Sir, he is within, and I would I could do a good office between you.	PAGE Sir, he’s inside, and I wish I could help with this matter between you two.
SIR HUGH 100 It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.	SIR HUGH Spoken like a true Christian.
SHALLOW He hath wronged me, Master Page.	SHALLOW He’s wronged me, Master Page.
PAGE Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.	PAGE Sir, he’s admitted to that in his own way.
SHALLOW If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not that so, Master Page? He hath wronged me, indeed 105 he hath; at a word, he hath. Believe me. Robert Shallow, Esquire, saith he is wronged.	SHALLOW Even if he’s admitted to it, he hasn’t made up for it, has he, Master Page? He’s wronged me, yes, he has. In short, he has. Believe me. I, Robert Shallow, Esquire, say that I’ve been wronged.
Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL.	SIR JOHN FALSTAFF , BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL enter.
PAGE Here comes Sir John.	PAGE Here comes Sir John.
FALSTAFF Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the King?	FALSTAFF Now, Master Shallow, I suppose you’re going to complain about me to the king?
SHALLOW 110 Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge.	SHALLOW Knight, you beat my men, killed my deer, and broke into my cabin.
FALSTAFF But not kissed your keeper’s daughter.	FALSTAFF But I didn’t kiss your keeper’s daughter A gamekeeper is someone left in charge of a property used for hunting. The cabin is where he lives. keeper’s daughter .
SHALLOW Tut, a pin. This shall be answered.	SHALLOW Empty words. Answer me.
FALSTAFF I will answer it straight: I have done all this. 115 That is now answered.	FALSTAFF I’ll answer you directly: I did all of it. Now I’ve answered.
SHALLOW The Council shall know this.	SHALLOW The council will hear about this.
FALSTAFF ’Twere better for you if it were known in counsel. You’ll be laughed at.	FALSTAFF It would be better for you if it were kept secret. You’ll be laughed at.
SIR HUGH Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts.	SIR HUGH Your words are few, Sir John, but they’re good words.
FALSTAFF 120 Good worts? Good cabbage!—Slender, I broke your head. What matter have you against me?	FALSTAFF Good “worts”? Good cabbage Sir Hugh is from Wales and speaks with an accent from that region. He pronounces “words” as “worts,” which is another word for cabbage. Good “worts”? Good cabbage ! Slender, I hit you in the head—so what’s your complaint?
SLENDER Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, 125 Nym, and Pistol.	SLENDER Indeed, sir, I have plenty in my head against you and your criminal friends, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol.
BARDOLF You Banbury cheese!	BARDOLF You Banbury cheese Bardolf is insulting Slender’s lean frame by comparing him to what was a particularly thin cheese from the town of Banbury. You Banbury cheese !
SLENDER Ay, it is no matter.	SLENDER Never mind.
PISTOL How now, Mephostophilus?	PISTOL What’s that, Mephistopheles Mephistopheles is the name of the devil in German folklore. Mephistopheles ?
SLENDER Ay, it is no matter.	SLENDER Never mind.
NYM 130 Slice, I say! Pauca, pauca. Slice, that’s my humor.	NYM Slice This refers back to the cheese insult. Slice , you’re a man of few words! And slice Now meaning “cut with a sword.” slice is what I’d like to do to you.
SLENDER , to SHALLOW Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?	SLENDER , to SHALLOW Where’s Simple, my servant? Do you know, cousin?
SIR HUGH Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand; there is three umpires in this matter, as I understand: 135 that is, Master Page (fidelicet Master Page); and there is myself (fidelicet myself); and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine Host of the Garter.	SIR HUGH Please, let’s be peaceful. Now, let me see if I understand. There are three judges in this dispute: Master Page (namely, Master Page) and myself (namely, myself). And the third party, lastly and finally, is my friend, the host of the Garter Inn.
PAGE We three to hear it and end it between them.	PAGE We three will hear the dispute and settle it.
SIR HUGH Fery goot. I will make a prief of it in my 140 notebook, and we will afterwards ’ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.	SIR HUGH Very good, I’ll jot this down in my notebook and we’ll get to work on the case as carefully as we can.
FALSTAFF Pistol.	FALSTAFF Pistol.
PISTOL He hears with ears.	PISTOL I’m all ears.
SIR HUGH The tevil and his tam! What phrase is this, 145 “He hears with ear”? Why, it is affectations.	SIR HUGH The devil and his mother! What kind of expression is that? “I’m all ears”? You sound pretentious.
FALSTAFF Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?	FALSTAFF Pistol, did you steal from Master Slender’s purse?
SLENDER Ay, by these gloves, did he—or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else—of seven groats in mill-sixpences, 150 and two Edward shovel-boards that cost me two shilling and twopence apiece of Yed Miller, by these gloves.	SLENDER Yes, I swear on these gloves—and if I’m lying, may I never sleep in my bed again—he stole seven groats in mill-sixpences Seven groats was the equivalent of twenty-eight pence. The mill-sixpence was a coin stamped as being worth six pence. seven groats in mill-sixpences and two Edward shuffleboards These are coins used in the game of shuffleboard. Edward shuffleboards that I bought from Yed Miller for two shillings and two pennies each. I swear on these gloves.
FALSTAFF Is this true, Pistol?	FALSTAFF Is this true, Pistol?
SIR HUGH No, it is false, if it is a pickpurse.	SIR HUGH If he is a pickpocket, then nothing he says is true.
PISTOL 155 Ha, thou mountain foreigner!—Sir John and master mine, I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.—Word of denial in thy labras here! Word of denial! Froth and scum, thou liest.	PISTOL Ha, you foreigner from the mountains Wales is a mountainous region. foreigner from the mountains ! Sir John, my master, I challenge this tin sword here to a duel. Lies on his lips! Lies! You’re a liar, you worthless scum.
SLENDER , indicating NYM By these gloves, then ’twas 160 he.	SLENDER , indicating NYM I swear on these gloves it was him.
NYM Be avised, sir, and pass good humors. I will say “marry trap with you” if you run the nuthook’s humor on me. That is the very note of it.	NYM I’m warning you, sir, be nice. You can get lost if you’re going to keep acting like the police with me. That’s the bottom line.
SLENDER By this hat, then, he in the red face had it. 165 For, though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.	SLENDER I swear on this hat, then, that the one with the red face took it. Even though I can’t remember what I did after you got me drunk, I’m not a complete fool.
FALSTAFF What say you, Scarlet and John?	FALSTAFF What do you say to that, Scarlet and John Will Scarlet and Little John were two of Robin Hood’s merry men. Falstaff calls Bardolph “Scarlet” because of the remark about his red face and probably adds “and John” to quote from the ballad “The Jolly Pinder of Wakefield”: “’Twas Robin Hood, Scarlet, and John.” Scarlet and John ?
BARDOLPH Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman 170 had drunk himself out of his five sentences.	BARDOLPH Well, sir, personally, I think this gentleman was so drunk that he’d lost his five sentences.
SIR HUGH It is “his five senses.” Fie, what the ignorance is!	SIR HUGH You mean “his five senses.” Ugh, what ignorance!
BARDOLPH , to FALSTAFF And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered. And so conclusions passed the 175 careers.	BARDOLPH , to FALSTAFF And being drunk, sir, he was, as they say, cashiered “Cashiered” was Elizabethan slang for “kicked out.” cashiered . And so, conclusions passed the careers This is more slang: “Things got out of control.” And so, conclusions passed the careers .
SLENDER Ay, you spake in Latin then too. But ’tis no matter. I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. If I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of 180 God, and not with drunken knaves.	SLENDER I see you speak Latin In other words, Slender doesn’t understand what Bardolph just said. I see you speak Latin . In any case, after being tricked like this, I’ll never get drunk again as long as I live—unless it’s with honest, civil, God-worshipping people. If I’m drunk, it’ll be with people who fear God, not drunken criminals.
SIR HUGH So Got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind.	SIR HUGH That’s a virtuous idea—may God judge me if I’m wrong.
FALSTAFF You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen. You hear it.	FALSTAFF Well, gentlemen, you’ve heard your accusations denied. You’ve heard it for yourselves.
Enter ANNE PAGE with wine.	ANNE PAGE enters with wine.
PAGE Nay, daughter, carry the wine in. We’ll drink 185 within.	PAGE No, daughter, take the wine back in. We’ll drink inside.
ANNE PAGE exits.	ANNE PAGE exits.
SLENDER O heaven, this is Mistress Anne Page.	SLENDER Oh, my heavens, that’s Mistress Anne Page.
Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE.	MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE enter.
PAGE How now, Mistress Ford?	PAGE How are you, Mistress Ford?
FALSTAFF Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met. By your leave, good mistress.	FALSTAFF Mistress Ford, it’s certainly very good to see you. If I may, good mistress.
He kisses her.	He kisses her.
PAGE 190 Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome.—Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.	PAGE Wife, make these gentlemen feel welcome. Come, we’re having a hot meat pie for dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we can drink away all this unkindness between us.
All but SLENDER, SHALLOW, and SIR HUGH exit.	All but SLENDER, SHALLOW, and SIR HUGH exit.
SLENDER I had rather than forty shillings I had my book of Songs and Sonnets here!	SLENDER I’d give forty shillings to have my book of Songs and Sonnets here Presumably, Slender wants to read love poems to Anne. I’d give forty shillings to have my book of Songs and Sonnets here !
Enter SIMPLE.	SIMPLE enters.
SLENDER 195 How now, Simple? Where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you?	SLENDER How are you, Simple? Where have you been? Am I supposed to serve myself? You don’t have the Book of Riddles Slender thinks a book of riddles might substitute for a book of love poems. Book of Riddles with you, do you?
SIMPLE Book of Riddles? Why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight 200 afore Michaelmas?	SIMPLE Book of Riddles? Didn’t you lend it to Alice Shortcake last All Saints’ Day A Christian celebration of the saints on November 1. All Saints’ Day , two weeks before Michaelmas A Christian celebration of Saint Michael on September 29. It takes place a month before All Saints’ Day, not two weeks after. Simple is confused. Michaelmas ?
SHALLOW , to SLENDER Come, coz; come, coz. We stay for you. A word with you, coz. Marry, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me?	SHALLOW , to SLENDER Come, cousin, we’re waiting for you. Can I have a word with you, cousin? Here’s how it is, cousin: an offer of sorts has been made by Sir Hugh—but not from him. Do you understand what I’m saying?
SLENDER 205 Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable. If it be so, I shall do that that is reason.	SLENDER Yes, sir, and you’ll find that I’m a reasonable person. If the offer is reasonable, then I’ll do what’s reasonable.
SHALLOW Nay, but understand me.	SHALLOW I don’t think you understand.
SLENDER So I do, sir.	SLENDER I do, sir.
SIR HUGH Give ear to his motions, Master Slender. I 210 will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.	SIR HUGH Listen to him, Master Slender. I’ll explain it to you if you’re capable of understanding.
SLENDER Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I pray you, pardon me. He’s a Justice of Peace in his country, simple though I stand here.	SLENDER No, I’ll do what my cousin Shallow is asking. Please excuse me. After all, simpleminded as I may be, he’s a justice of the peace where he’s from.
SIR HUGH 215 But that is not the question. The question is concerning your marriage.	SIR HUGH But that’s not the question. The question is about you marrying.
SHALLOW Ay, there’s the point, sir.	SHALLOW Yes, that’s the point, sir.
SIR HUGH Marry, is it, the very point of it—to Mistress Anne Page.	SIR HUGH Exactly, that’s the point—marrying Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDER 220 Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands.	SLENDER Well, if this is true, then I’ll marry her on any reasonable terms.
SIR HUGH But can you affection the ’oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of 225 the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?	SIR HUGH But can you have feelings for the woman? Let’s hear it from your mouth—or from your lips. Some philosophers believe that the lips are part of the mouth. So, can you bring your good intentions to her?
SHALLOW Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?	SHALLOW Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
SLENDER I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.	SLENDER I hope I can, sir. I’ll do whatever is appropriate for a reasonable person to do.
SIR HUGH 230 Nay, Got’s lords and His ladies! You must speak positable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.	SIR HUGH No! in the name of God’s lords and ladies, you must tell us for certain whether you can desire her.
SHALLOW That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?	SHALLOW Yes, you must. Will you, if the dowry A dowry is money and property that a woman brings from her family to a marriage. dowry is good, marry her?
SLENDER 235 I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason.	SLENDER I’ll do even more than that if you ask me, cousin—for whatever reason.
SHALLOW Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz. What I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?	SHALLOW No, try to understand what I’m saying, my good-natured cousin. I’m doing this for you, cousin. Can you love the girl?
SLENDER 240 I will marry her, sir, at your request. But if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion to know one another. I hope upon familiarity will grow 245 more content. But if you say “Marry her,” I will marry her. That I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.	SLENDER I’ll marry her, sir, if that’s what you want. But if there isn’t much love at first, heaven may decrease it as we get to know each other better This isn’t what Slender means. He mistakenly says “decrease” instead of “increase.” But if there isn’t much love at first, heaven may decrease it as we get to know each other better . I hope that as our familiarity grows, so does our happiness. But if you say, “Marry her,” I’ll marry her. I’m dissolved He means “resolved,” as in “decided.” dissolved of my own will to do it, and dissolutely He means “resolutely.” “Dissolute” means “depraved.” dissolutely .
SIR HUGH It is a fery discretion answer, save the fall is in the ’ord “dissolutely.” The ’ort is, according to 250 our meaning, “resolutely.” His meaning is good.	SIR HUGH That’s a very wise answer, except for the “dissolutely” part. The word, in my opinion, should be “resolutely.” He meant well.
SHALLOW Ay, I think my cousin meant well.	SHALLOW Yes, I think my cousin meant well.
SLENDER Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!	SLENDER Yes, may I be hanged if I didn’t!
Enter ANNE PAGE.	ANNE PAGE enters.
SHALLOW Here comes fair Mistress Anne.—Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne.	SHALLOW Here comes the beautiful Mistress Anne. Seeing you makes me wish I were young, Mistress Anne.
ANNE 255 The dinner is on the table. My father desires your Worships’ company	ANNE Dinner is on the table. My father would like you all to join him.
SHALLOW I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.	SHALLOW I’ll do as he wishes, beautiful Mistress Anne.
SIR HUGH ’Od’s plessèd will, I will not be absence at the grace.	SIR HUGH With God’s blessed will, I wouldn’t want to miss grace A Christian prayer said before a meal. grace .
SIR HUGH and SHALLOW exit.	SIR HUGH and SHALLOW exit.
ANNE , to SLENDER 260 Will ’t please your Worship to come in, sir?	ANNE , to SLENDER Would you like to come in, sir?
SLENDER No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily. I am very well.	SLENDER No, thank you, truly and wholeheartedly. I’m fine.
ANNE The dinner attends you, sir.	ANNE They’re waiting for you, sir.
SLENDER 265 I am not ahungry, I thank you, forsooth. (To SIMPLE.) Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my cousin Shallow. (SIMPLE exits.) A Justice of Peace sometime may be beholding to his friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy 270 yet, till my mother be dead. But what though? Yet I live like a poor gentleman born.	SLENDER I’m not hungry, but thank you, really. (To SIMPLE.) You there, I know you’re my servant, but I want you to go serve my cousin Shallow. (SIMPLE exits.) Sometimes even a justice of the peace needs a servant from his friend. Until my mother dies, I’ll only keep three male servants and a boy. But so what? I still live like I was born poor.
ANNE I may not go in without your Worship. They will not sit till you come.	ANNE I can’t go back in without you. They won’t sit down until you’re there.
SLENDER I’ faith, I’ll eat nothing. I thank you as much 275 as though I did.	SLENDER Really, I don’t want to eat anything. But I thank you for the meal anyway.
ANNE I pray you, sir, walk in.	ANNE Please, sir, come in.
SLENDER I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my shin th’ other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence—three veneys for a 280 dish of stewed prunes—and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? Be there bears i’ th’ town?	SLENDER I’d rather walk around here, thank you. I bruised my shin the other day while playing sword and dagger with a fencing master. We played three matches, then ate a dish of stewed prunes, and I swear, I haven’t been able to stand the smell of hot food since. Why are your dogs barking like that? Are there bears in this town?
ANNE I think there are, sir. I heard them talked of.	ANNE I think there are, sir. I’ve heard people talk about them.
SLENDER I love the sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel 285 at it as any man in England. You are afraid if you see the bear loose, are you not?	SLENDER I love the sport Bearbaiting, in which a bear chained to a pole fights dogs, was a popular sport of the time. sport , but I always get into a fight when I go, just like any other man in England. Are you afraid when you see a loose bear?
ANNE Ay, indeed, sir.	ANNE Yes, of course, sir.
SLENDER That’s meat and drink to me, now. I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken 290 him by the chain. But, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shrieked at it that it passed. But women, indeed, cannot abide ’em; they are very ill-favored rough things.	SLENDER Bearbaiting is my kind of nourishment. I’ve seen Sackerson The name of a famous bearbaiting bear in late sixteenth-century London. Sackerson get loose twenty times, and I’ve even taken him by the chain. You should’ve seen how the women shouted and screamed. But women can’t stand them, it’s true,. Bears are very ugly, rough creatures.
Enter PAGE.	PAGE enters.
PAGE Come, gentle Master Slender, come. We stay for 295 you.	PAGE Come, gentle Master Slander, come. We’re waiting for you.
SLENDER I’ll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.	SLENDER I’m not going to eat anything, thank you.
PAGE By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! Come, come.	PAGE It’s not up to you, sir! Come, come!
SLENDER Nay, pray you, lead the way.	SLENDER All right, but please, you lead the way.
PAGE 300 Come on, sir.	PAGE Come on, sir.
SLENDER Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.	SLENDER Mistress Anne, you go first.
ANNE Not I, sir. Pray you, keep on.	ANNE Not me, sir. Please, you go.
SLENDER Truly, I will not go first, truly, la! I will not do you that wrong.	SLENDER Really, I won’t go first! I wouldn’t be so impolite to you.
ANNE 305 I pray you, sir.	ANNE Please, sir.
SLENDER I’ll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!	SLENDER I guess I’d rather be impolite than troublesome. But you’re bringing it on yourself!
They exit.	They exit.

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Original Text

Modern Text

Esquire

Coram

Custalorum

Ratolorum too

Master Parson

“Armigero!”

three hundred years

All his successors who came before him did it, and all his ancestors who will come after him may do it too

luces

louses

passant

An old cod is a salt fish

I might end up quartering our shield, cousin

Quartering it would certainly mar it

It’s not appropriate for the council to hear about immoral conduct

the Cotswolds

keeper’s daughter

Good “worts”? Good cabbage

You Banbury cheese

Mephistopheles

Slice

slice

seven groats in mill-sixpences

Edward shuffleboards

foreigner from the mountains

Scarlet and John

cashiered

And so, conclusions passed the careers

I see you speak Latin

I’d give forty shillings to have my book of Songs and Sonnets here

Book of Riddles

All Saints’ Day

Michaelmas

dowry

But if there isn’t much love at first, heaven may decrease it as we get to know each other better

dissolved

dissolutely

grace

sport

Sackerson