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Modern Text |
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Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF and PISTOL.
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Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF and PISTOL.
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FALSTAFF
I will not lend thee a penny.
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FALSTAFF
I will not lend thee a penny.
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PISTOL
Why then, the world’s mine oyster, which I
with sword will open.
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PISTOL
Why then, the world’s mine oyster, which I
with sword will open.
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FALSTAFF
Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you
5
should lay my countenance to pawn. I have grated
upon my good friends for three reprieves for you
and your coach-fellow Nym, or else you had
looked through the grate like a gemini of baboons.
I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my
10
friends you were good soldiers and tall fellows.
And when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her
fan, I took ’t upon mine honor thou hadst it not.
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FALSTAFF
Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you
upon my good friends for three reprieves for you
and your coach-fellow Nym, or else you had
looked through the grate like a gemini of baboons.
I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my
And when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her
fan, I took ’t upon mine honor thou hadst it not.
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PISTOL
Didst not thou share? Hadst thou not fifteen
pence?
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PISTOL
Didst not thou share? Hadst thou not fifteen
pence?
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FALSTAFF
15
Reason, you rogue, reason. Think’st thou I’ll
endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more
about me. I am no gibbet for you. Go—a short
knife and a throng—to your manor of Pickt-hatch,
go. You’ll not bear a letter for me, you rogue? You
20
stand upon your honor? Why, thou unconfinable
baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the
terms of my honor precise. Ay, ay, I myself sometimes,
leaving the fear of God on the left hand
and hiding mine honor in my necessity, am fain to
25
shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, rogue,
will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain
looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold beating
oaths under the shelter of your honor! You will
not do it? You?
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FALSTAFF
endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more
about me. I am no gibbet for you. Go—a short
knife and a throng—to your manor of Pickt-hatch,
go. You’ll not bear a letter for me, you rogue? You
baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the
terms of my honor precise. Ay, ay, I myself sometimes,
leaving the fear of God on the left hand
and hiding mine honor in my necessity, am fain to
will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain
looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold beating
oaths under the shelter of your honor! You will
not do it? You?
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PISTOL
30
I do relent. What would thou more of man?
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PISTOL
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Enter ROBIN.
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Enter ROBIN.
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ROBIN
Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.
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ROBIN
Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.
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FALSTAFF
Let her approach.
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FALSTAFF
Let her approach.
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Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY.
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Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Give your Worship good morrow.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Give your Worship good morrow.
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FALSTAFF
Good morrow, goodwife.
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FALSTAFF
Good morrow, goodwife.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
35
Not so, an ’t please your Worship.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
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FALSTAFF
Good maid, then.
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FALSTAFF
Good maid, then.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
I’ll be sworn—as my mother was,
the first hour I was born.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
I’ll be sworn—as my mother was,
the first hour I was born.
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FALSTAFF
I do believe the swearer. What with me?
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FALSTAFF
I do believe the swearer. What with me?
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
40
Shall I vouchsafe your Worship a
word or two?
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
word or two?
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FALSTAFF
Two thousand, fair woman, and I’ll vouchsafe
thee the hearing.
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FALSTAFF
Two thousand, fair woman, and I’ll vouchsafe
thee the hearing.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
There is one Mistress Ford, sir—I
45
pray, come a little nearer this ways. I myself dwell
with Master Doctor Caius.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
There is one Mistress Ford, sir—I
with Master Doctor Caius.
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FALSTAFF
Well, on. “Mistress Ford,” you say—
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FALSTAFF
Well, on. “Mistress Ford,” you say—
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Your Worship says very true. I pray
your Worship, come a little nearer this ways.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Your Worship says very true. I pray
your Worship, come a little nearer this ways.
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FALSTAFF
50
I warrant thee, nobody hears. Mine own
people, mine own people.
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FALSTAFF
people, mine own people.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Are they so? God bless them and
make them His servants!
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Are they so? God bless them and
make them His servants!
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FALSTAFF
Well, “Mistress Ford”—what of her?
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FALSTAFF
Well, “Mistress Ford”—what of her?
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
55
Why, sir, she’s a good creature.
Lord, Lord, your Worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven
forgive you and all of us, I pray!
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Lord, Lord, your Worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven
forgive you and all of us, I pray!
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FALSTAFF
“Mistress Ford”—come, “Mistress Ford”—
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FALSTAFF
“Mistress Ford”—come, “Mistress Ford”—
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, this is the short and the long
60
of it: you have brought her into such a canaries as
’tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when
the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought
her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights,
and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I
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warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter,
gift after gift, smelling so sweetly—all musk—and
so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold, and in
such alligant terms, and in such wine and sugar of
the best and the fairest, that would have won any
70
woman’s heart; and, I warrant you, they could
never get an eye-wink of her. I had myself twenty
angels given me this morning, but I defy all angels
in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of
honesty. And, I warrant you, they could never get
75
her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of
them all. And yet there has been earls—nay, which
is more, pensioners—but, I warrant you, all is one
with her.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, this is the short and the long
’tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when
the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought
her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights,
and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I
gift after gift, smelling so sweetly—all musk—and
so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold, and in
such alligant terms, and in such wine and sugar of
the best and the fairest, that would have won any
never get an eye-wink of her. I had myself twenty
angels given me this morning, but I defy all angels
in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of
honesty. And, I warrant you, they could never get
them all. And yet there has been earls—nay, which
is more, pensioners—but, I warrant you, all is one
with her.
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FALSTAFF
But what says she to me? Be brief, my good
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she-Mercury.
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FALSTAFF
But what says she to me? Be brief, my good
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, she hath received your letter,
for the which she thanks you a thousand times,
and she gives you to notify that her husband will
be absence from his house between ten and eleven.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, she hath received your letter,
for the which she thanks you a thousand times,
and she gives you to notify that her husband will
be absence from his house between ten and eleven.
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FALSTAFF
85
Ten and eleven?
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FALSTAFF
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay, forsooth; and then you may come
and see the picture, she says, that you wot of. Master
Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas, the
sweet woman leads an ill life with him. He’s a very
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jealousy man. She leads a very frampold life with
him, good heart.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay, forsooth; and then you may come
and see the picture, she says, that you wot of. Master
Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas, the
sweet woman leads an ill life with him. He’s a very
him, good heart.
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FALSTAFF
Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to
her. I will not fail her.
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FALSTAFF
Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to
her. I will not fail her.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Why, you say well. But I have another
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messenger to your Worship. Mistress Page
hath her hearty commendations to you too; and,
let me tell you in your ear, she’s as fartuous a civil
modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss
you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor,
100
whoe’er be the other. And she bade me tell
your Worship that her husband is seldom from
home, but she hopes there will come a time. I
never knew a woman so dote upon a man. Surely, I
think you have charms, la! Yes, in truth.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Why, you say well. But I have another
hath her hearty commendations to you too; and,
let me tell you in your ear, she’s as fartuous a civil
modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss
you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor,
your Worship that her husband is seldom from
home, but she hopes there will come a time. I
never knew a woman so dote upon a man. Surely, I
think you have charms, la! Yes, in truth.
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FALSTAFF
105
Not I, I assure thee. Setting the attraction of
my good parts aside, I have no other charms.
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FALSTAFF
my good parts aside, I have no other charms.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Blessing on your heart for ’t!
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Blessing on your heart for ’t!
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FALSTAFF
But I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife
and Page’s wife acquainted each other how they
110
love me?
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FALSTAFF
But I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife
and Page’s wife acquainted each other how they
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
That were a jest indeed! They have
not so little grace, I hope. That were a trick indeed!
But Mistress Page would desire you to send her
your little page, of all loves. Her husband has a
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marvelous infection to the little page; and, truly,
Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in
Windsor leads a better life than she does. Do what
she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to
bed when she list, rise when she list—all is as she
120
will. And, truly, she deserves it, for if there be a
kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send
her your page, no remedy.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
That were a jest indeed! They have
not so little grace, I hope. That were a trick indeed!
But Mistress Page would desire you to send her
your little page, of all loves. Her husband has a
Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in
Windsor leads a better life than she does. Do what
she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to
bed when she list, rise when she list—all is as she
kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send
her your page, no remedy.
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FALSTAFF
Why, I will.
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FALSTAFF
Why, I will.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Nay, but do so then, and, look you,
125
he may come and go between you both. And in any
case have a nayword, that you may know one another’s
mind, and the boy never need to understand
anything; for ’tis not good that children
should know any wickedness. Old folks, you know,
130
have discretion, as they say, and know the world.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
Nay, but do so then, and, look you,
case have a nayword, that you may know one another’s
mind, and the boy never need to understand
anything; for ’tis not good that children
should know any wickedness. Old folks, you know,
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FALSTAFF
Fare thee well. Commend me to them both.
There’s my purse.
(He gives her money.) I am yet
thy debtor.—Boy, go along with this woman.
( MISTRESS
QUICKLY and ROBIN exit.) This news distracts
135
me.
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FALSTAFF
Fare thee well. Commend me to them both.
There’s my purse.
(He gives her money.) I am yet
thy debtor.—Boy, go along with this woman.
( MISTRESS
QUICKLY and ROBIN exit.) This news distracts
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PISTOL ,
aside
This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers.
Clap on more sails, pursue; up with your fights;
Give fire! She is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!
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PISTOL ,
aside
This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers.
Clap on more sails, pursue; up with your fights;
Give fire! She is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!
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He exits.
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He exits.
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FALSTAFF
Sayst thou so, old Jack? Go thy ways. I’ll
140
make more of thy old body than I have done. Will
they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense
of so much money, be now a gainer? Good
body, I thank thee. Let them say ’tis grossly done;
so it be fairly done, no matter.
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FALSTAFF
Sayst thou so, old Jack? Go thy ways. I’ll
they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense
of so much money, be now a gainer? Good
body, I thank thee. Let them say ’tis grossly done;
so it be fairly done, no matter.
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Enter BARDOLPH with wine.
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Enter BARDOLPH with wine.
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BARDOLPH
145
Sir John, there’s one Master Brook below
would fain speak with you and be acquainted with
you, and hath sent your Worship a morning’s
draught of sack.
(He hands FALSTAFF the wine.)
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BARDOLPH
would fain speak with you and be acquainted with
you, and hath sent your Worship a morning’s
draught of sack.
(He hands FALSTAFF the wine.)
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FALSTAFF
Brook is his name?
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FALSTAFF
Brook is his name?
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BARDOLPH
150
Ay, sir.
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BARDOLPH
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FALSTAFF
Call him in. Such Brooks are welcome to
me that o’erflows such liquor.
( BARDOLPH exits.)
Ah ha, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I encompassed
you? Go to. Via!
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FALSTAFF
Call him in. Such Brooks are welcome to
me that o’erflows such liquor.
( BARDOLPH exits.)
Ah ha, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I encompassed
you? Go to. Via!
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Enter BARDOLPH with FORD disguised as BROOK.
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Enter BARDOLPH with FORD disguised as BROOK.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
155
God bless you, sir.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
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FALSTAFF
And you, sir. Would you speak with me?
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FALSTAFF
And you, sir. Would you speak with me?
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FORD ,
as BROOK
I make bold to press with so little
preparation upon you.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
I make bold to press with so little
preparation upon you.
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FALSTAFF
You’re welcome. What’s your will?—Give us
160
leave, drawer.
BARDOLPH exits.
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FALSTAFF
You’re welcome. What’s your will?—Give us
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent
much. My name is Brook.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent
much. My name is Brook.
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FALSTAFF
Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance
of you.
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FALSTAFF
Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance
of you.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
165
Good Sir John, I sue for yours—not
to charge you, for I must let you understand I
think myself in better plight for a lender than you
are, the which hath something emboldened me to
this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money
170
go before, all ways do lie open.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
to charge you, for I must let you understand I
think myself in better plight for a lender than you
are, the which hath something emboldened me to
this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money
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FALSTAFF
Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
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FALSTAFF
Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Troth, and I have a bag of money
here troubles me.
He sets it down. If you will help
to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me
175
of the carriage.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Troth, and I have a bag of money
here troubles me.
He sets it down. If you will help
to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me
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FALSTAFF
Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your
porter.
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FALSTAFF
Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your
porter.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
I will tell you, sir, if you will give me
the hearing.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
I will tell you, sir, if you will give me
the hearing.
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FALSTAFF
180
Speak, good Master Brook. I shall be glad
to be your servant.
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FALSTAFF
to be your servant.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Sir, I hear you are a scholar—I will
be brief with you—and you have been a man long
known to me, though I had never so good means
185
as desire to make myself acquainted with you. I
shall discover a thing to you wherein I must very
much lay open mine own imperfection. But, good
Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as
you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register
190
of your own, that I may pass with a reproof
the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to
be such an offender.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Sir, I hear you are a scholar—I will
be brief with you—and you have been a man long
known to me, though I had never so good means
shall discover a thing to you wherein I must very
much lay open mine own imperfection. But, good
Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as
you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register
the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to
be such an offender.
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FALSTAFF
Very well, sir. Proceed.
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FALSTAFF
Very well, sir. Proceed.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
There is a gentlewoman in this
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town—her husband’s name is Ford.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
There is a gentlewoman in this
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FALSTAFF
Well, sir.
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FALSTAFF
Well, sir.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
I have long loved her and, I protest
to you, bestowed much on her, followed her with
a doting observance, engrossed opportunities to
200
meet her, fee’d every slight occasion that could but
niggardly give me sight of her, not only bought
many presents to give her, but have given largely to
many to know what she would have given. Briefly,
I have pursued her as love hath pursued me, which
205
hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever
I have merited, either in my mind or in my
means, meed I am sure I have received none, unless
experience be a jewel. That I have purchased
210
at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say
this:
“Love like a shadow flies when substance love
pursues,
Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.”
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FORD ,
as BROOK
I have long loved her and, I protest
to you, bestowed much on her, followed her with
a doting observance, engrossed opportunities to
niggardly give me sight of her, not only bought
many presents to give her, but have given largely to
many to know what she would have given. Briefly,
I have pursued her as love hath pursued me, which
I have merited, either in my mind or in my
means, meed I am sure I have received none, unless
experience be a jewel. That I have purchased
this:
“Love like a shadow flies when substance love
pursues,
Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.”
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FALSTAFF
Have you received no promise of satisfaction
215
at her hands?
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FALSTAFF
Have you received no promise of satisfaction
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Never.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Never.
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FALSTAFF
Have you importuned her to such a
purpose?
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FALSTAFF
Have you importuned her to such a
purpose?
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Never.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Never.
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FALSTAFF
220
Of what quality was your love, then?
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FALSTAFF
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Like a fair house built on another
man’s ground, so that I have lost my edifice by
mistaking the place where I erected it.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Like a fair house built on another
man’s ground, so that I have lost my edifice by
mistaking the place where I erected it.
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FALSTAFF
To what purpose have you unfolded this to
225
me?
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FALSTAFF
To what purpose have you unfolded this to
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FORD ,
as BROOK
When I have told you that, I have
told you all. Some say that though she appear honest
to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her
mirth so far that there is shrewd construction
230
made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my
purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding,
admirable discourse, of great admittance,
authentic in your place and person, generally
allowed for your many warlike, courtlike, and
235
learned preparations.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
When I have told you that, I have
told you all. Some say that though she appear honest
to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her
mirth so far that there is shrewd construction
purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding,
admirable discourse, of great admittance,
authentic in your place and person, generally
allowed for your many warlike, courtlike, and
|
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FALSTAFF
O, sir!
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FALSTAFF
O, sir!
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Believe it, for you know it. There is
money.
(He points to the bag.) Spend it, spend
it, spend more; spend all I have. Only give me so
240
much of your time in exchange of it as to lay an
amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford’s wife.
Use your art of wooing; win her to consent to you.
If any man may, you may as soon as any.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
Believe it, for you know it. There is
money.
(He points to the bag.) Spend it, spend
it, spend more; spend all I have. Only give me so
amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford’s wife.
Use your art of wooing; win her to consent to you.
If any man may, you may as soon as any.
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FALSTAFF
Would it apply well to the vehemency of
245
your affection that I should win what you would
enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very
preposterously.
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FALSTAFF
Would it apply well to the vehemency of
enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very
preposterously.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
O, understand my drift. She dwells
so securely on the excellency of her honor that the
250
folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too
bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to
her with any detection in my hand, my desires had
instance and argument to commend themselves. I
could drive her then from the ward of her purity,
255
her reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand
other her defenses, which now are too too strongly
embattled against me. What say you to ’t, Sir
John?
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FORD ,
as BROOK
O, understand my drift. She dwells
so securely on the excellency of her honor that the
bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to
her with any detection in my hand, my desires had
instance and argument to commend themselves. I
could drive her then from the ward of her purity,
other her defenses, which now are too too strongly
embattled against me. What say you to ’t, Sir
John?
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FALSTAFF ,
taking the bag
Master Brook, I will first
260
make bold with your money; next, give me your
hand; and, last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if
you will, enjoy Ford’s wife.
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FALSTAFF ,
taking the bag
Master Brook, I will first
hand; and, last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if
you will, enjoy Ford’s wife.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
O, good sir!
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FORD ,
as BROOK
O, good sir!
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FALSTAFF
I say you shall.
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FALSTAFF
I say you shall.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
265
Want no money, Sir John; you shall
want none.
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FORD ,
as BROOK
want none.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you
shall want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you,
by her own appointment. Even as you came in to
270
me, her assistant or go-between parted from me. I
say I shall be with her between ten and eleven, for
at that time the jealous, rascally knave her husband
will be forth. Come you to me at night. You
shall know how I speed.
|
FALSTAFF
Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you
shall want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you,
by her own appointment. Even as you came in to
say I shall be with her between ten and eleven, for
at that time the jealous, rascally knave her husband
will be forth. Come you to me at night. You
shall know how I speed.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
275
I am blessed in your acquaintance.
Do you know Ford, sir?
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Do you know Ford, sir?
|
|
FALSTAFF
Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know
him not. Yet I wrong him to call him poor. They
say the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of
280
money, for the which his wife seems to me well-favored.
I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly
rogue’s coffer, and there’s my harvest home.
|
FALSTAFF
Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know
him not. Yet I wrong him to call him poor. They
say the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of
I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly
rogue’s coffer, and there’s my harvest home.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
I would you knew Ford, sir, that you
might avoid him if you saw him.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
I would you knew Ford, sir, that you
might avoid him if you saw him.
|
|
FALSTAFF
285
Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I
will stare him out of his wits. I will awe him with
my cudgel; it shall hang like a meteor o’er the
cuckold’s horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I
will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt
290
lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night. Ford’s
a knave, and I will aggravate his style. Thou, Master
Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold.
Come to me soon at night.
FALSTAFF exits.
|
FALSTAFF
will stare him out of his wits. I will awe him with
my cudgel; it shall hang like a meteor o’er the
cuckold’s horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I
will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt
a knave, and I will aggravate his style. Thou, Master
Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold.
Come to me soon at night.
FALSTAFF exits.
|
|
FORD
What a damned epicurean rascal is this! My
295
heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says
this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent
to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made.
Would any man have thought this? See the hell of
having a false woman: my bed shall be abused, my
300
coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at. And
I shall not only receive this villainous wrong but
stand under the adoption of abominable terms,
and by him that does me this wrong. Terms,
names! “Amaimon” sounds well, “Lucifer” well,
305
“Barbason” well; yet they are devils’ additions, the
names of fiends. But “Cuckold,” “Wittoll,” “Cuckold”!
The devil himself hath not such a name. Page
is an ass, a secure ass. He will trust his wife, he will
not be jealous. I will rather trust a Fleming with
310
my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my 310
cheese, an Irishman with my aquavitae bottle, or
a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife
with herself. Then she plots, then she ruminates,
then she devises; and what they think in their
315
hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts
but they will effect. God be praised for my jealousy!
Eleven o’clock the hour. I will prevent this,
detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh
at Page. I will about it. Better three hours too soon
320
than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! Cuckold, cuckold,
cuckold!
|
FORD
What a damned epicurean rascal is this! My
this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent
to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made.
Would any man have thought this? See the hell of
having a false woman: my bed shall be abused, my
I shall not only receive this villainous wrong but
stand under the adoption of abominable terms,
and by him that does me this wrong. Terms,
names! “Amaimon” sounds well, “Lucifer” well,
names of fiends. But “Cuckold,” “Wittoll,” “Cuckold”!
The devil himself hath not such a name. Page
is an ass, a secure ass. He will trust his wife, he will
not be jealous. I will rather trust a Fleming with
cheese, an Irishman with my aquavitae bottle, or
a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife
with herself. Then she plots, then she ruminates,
then she devises; and what they think in their
but they will effect. God be praised for my jealousy!
Eleven o’clock the hour. I will prevent this,
detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh
at Page. I will about it. Better three hours too soon
cuckold!
|
|
He exits.
|
He exits.
|
Original Text |
Modern Text |
|
Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF and PISTOL.
|
Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF and PISTOL.
|
|
FALSTAFF
I will not lend thee a penny.
|
FALSTAFF
I will not lend thee a penny.
|
|
PISTOL
Why then, the world’s mine oyster, which I
with sword will open.
|
PISTOL
Why then, the world’s mine oyster, which I
with sword will open.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you
5
should lay my countenance to pawn. I have grated
upon my good friends for three reprieves for you
and your coach-fellow Nym, or else you had
looked through the grate like a gemini of baboons.
I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my
10
friends you were good soldiers and tall fellows.
And when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her
fan, I took ’t upon mine honor thou hadst it not.
|
FALSTAFF
Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you
upon my good friends for three reprieves for you
and your coach-fellow Nym, or else you had
looked through the grate like a gemini of baboons.
I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my
And when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her
fan, I took ’t upon mine honor thou hadst it not.
|
|
PISTOL
Didst not thou share? Hadst thou not fifteen
pence?
|
PISTOL
Didst not thou share? Hadst thou not fifteen
pence?
|
|
FALSTAFF
15
Reason, you rogue, reason. Think’st thou I’ll
endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more
about me. I am no gibbet for you. Go—a short
knife and a throng—to your manor of Pickt-hatch,
go. You’ll not bear a letter for me, you rogue? You
20
stand upon your honor? Why, thou unconfinable
baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the
terms of my honor precise. Ay, ay, I myself sometimes,
leaving the fear of God on the left hand
and hiding mine honor in my necessity, am fain to
25
shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, rogue,
will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain
looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold beating
oaths under the shelter of your honor! You will
not do it? You?
|
FALSTAFF
endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more
about me. I am no gibbet for you. Go—a short
knife and a throng—to your manor of Pickt-hatch,
go. You’ll not bear a letter for me, you rogue? You
baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the
terms of my honor precise. Ay, ay, I myself sometimes,
leaving the fear of God on the left hand
and hiding mine honor in my necessity, am fain to
will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain
looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold beating
oaths under the shelter of your honor! You will
not do it? You?
|
|
PISTOL
30
I do relent. What would thou more of man?
|
PISTOL
|
|
Enter ROBIN.
|
Enter ROBIN.
|
|
ROBIN
Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.
|
ROBIN
Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Let her approach.
|
FALSTAFF
Let her approach.
|
|
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY.
|
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY.
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Give your Worship good morrow.
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Give your Worship good morrow.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Good morrow, goodwife.
|
FALSTAFF
Good morrow, goodwife.
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
35
Not so, an ’t please your Worship.
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
|
|
FALSTAFF
Good maid, then.
|
FALSTAFF
Good maid, then.
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
I’ll be sworn—as my mother was,
the first hour I was born.
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
I’ll be sworn—as my mother was,
the first hour I was born.
|
|
FALSTAFF
I do believe the swearer. What with me?
|
FALSTAFF
I do believe the swearer. What with me?
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
40
Shall I vouchsafe your Worship a
word or two?
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
word or two?
|
|
FALSTAFF
Two thousand, fair woman, and I’ll vouchsafe
thee the hearing.
|
FALSTAFF
Two thousand, fair woman, and I’ll vouchsafe
thee the hearing.
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
There is one Mistress Ford, sir—I
45
pray, come a little nearer this ways. I myself dwell
with Master Doctor Caius.
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
There is one Mistress Ford, sir—I
with Master Doctor Caius.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Well, on. “Mistress Ford,” you say—
|
FALSTAFF
Well, on. “Mistress Ford,” you say—
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Your Worship says very true. I pray
your Worship, come a little nearer this ways.
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Your Worship says very true. I pray
your Worship, come a little nearer this ways.
|
|
FALSTAFF
50
I warrant thee, nobody hears. Mine own
people, mine own people.
|
FALSTAFF
people, mine own people.
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Are they so? God bless them and
make them His servants!
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Are they so? God bless them and
make them His servants!
|
|
FALSTAFF
Well, “Mistress Ford”—what of her?
|
FALSTAFF
Well, “Mistress Ford”—what of her?
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
55
Why, sir, she’s a good creature.
Lord, Lord, your Worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven
forgive you and all of us, I pray!
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Lord, Lord, your Worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven
forgive you and all of us, I pray!
|
|
FALSTAFF
“Mistress Ford”—come, “Mistress Ford”—
|
FALSTAFF
“Mistress Ford”—come, “Mistress Ford”—
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, this is the short and the long
60
of it: you have brought her into such a canaries as
’tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when
the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought
her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights,
and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I
65
warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter,
gift after gift, smelling so sweetly—all musk—and
so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold, and in
such alligant terms, and in such wine and sugar of
the best and the fairest, that would have won any
70
woman’s heart; and, I warrant you, they could
never get an eye-wink of her. I had myself twenty
angels given me this morning, but I defy all angels
in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of
honesty. And, I warrant you, they could never get
75
her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of
them all. And yet there has been earls—nay, which
is more, pensioners—but, I warrant you, all is one
with her.
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, this is the short and the long
’tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when
the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought
her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights,
and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I
gift after gift, smelling so sweetly—all musk—and
so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold, and in
such alligant terms, and in such wine and sugar of
the best and the fairest, that would have won any
never get an eye-wink of her. I had myself twenty
angels given me this morning, but I defy all angels
in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of
honesty. And, I warrant you, they could never get
them all. And yet there has been earls—nay, which
is more, pensioners—but, I warrant you, all is one
with her.
|
|
FALSTAFF
But what says she to me? Be brief, my good
80
she-Mercury.
|
FALSTAFF
But what says she to me? Be brief, my good
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, she hath received your letter,
for the which she thanks you a thousand times,
and she gives you to notify that her husband will
be absence from his house between ten and eleven.
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, she hath received your letter,
for the which she thanks you a thousand times,
and she gives you to notify that her husband will
be absence from his house between ten and eleven.
|
|
FALSTAFF
85
Ten and eleven?
|
FALSTAFF
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay, forsooth; and then you may come
and see the picture, she says, that you wot of. Master
Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas, the
sweet woman leads an ill life with him. He’s a very
90
jealousy man. She leads a very frampold life with
him, good heart.
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay, forsooth; and then you may come
and see the picture, she says, that you wot of. Master
Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas, the
sweet woman leads an ill life with him. He’s a very
him, good heart.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to
her. I will not fail her.
|
FALSTAFF
Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to
her. I will not fail her.
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Why, you say well. But I have another
95
messenger to your Worship. Mistress Page
hath her hearty commendations to you too; and,
let me tell you in your ear, she’s as fartuous a civil
modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss
you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor,
100
whoe’er be the other. And she bade me tell
your Worship that her husband is seldom from
home, but she hopes there will come a time. I
never knew a woman so dote upon a man. Surely, I
think you have charms, la! Yes, in truth.
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Why, you say well. But I have another
hath her hearty commendations to you too; and,
let me tell you in your ear, she’s as fartuous a civil
modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss
you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor,
your Worship that her husband is seldom from
home, but she hopes there will come a time. I
never knew a woman so dote upon a man. Surely, I
think you have charms, la! Yes, in truth.
|
|
FALSTAFF
105
Not I, I assure thee. Setting the attraction of
my good parts aside, I have no other charms.
|
FALSTAFF
my good parts aside, I have no other charms.
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Blessing on your heart for ’t!
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Blessing on your heart for ’t!
|
|
FALSTAFF
But I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife
and Page’s wife acquainted each other how they
110
love me?
|
FALSTAFF
But I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife
and Page’s wife acquainted each other how they
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
That were a jest indeed! They have
not so little grace, I hope. That were a trick indeed!
But Mistress Page would desire you to send her
your little page, of all loves. Her husband has a
115
marvelous infection to the little page; and, truly,
Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in
Windsor leads a better life than she does. Do what
she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to
bed when she list, rise when she list—all is as she
120
will. And, truly, she deserves it, for if there be a
kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send
her your page, no remedy.
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
That were a jest indeed! They have
not so little grace, I hope. That were a trick indeed!
But Mistress Page would desire you to send her
your little page, of all loves. Her husband has a
Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in
Windsor leads a better life than she does. Do what
she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to
bed when she list, rise when she list—all is as she
kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send
her your page, no remedy.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Why, I will.
|
FALSTAFF
Why, I will.
|
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Nay, but do so then, and, look you,
125
he may come and go between you both. And in any
case have a nayword, that you may know one another’s
mind, and the boy never need to understand
anything; for ’tis not good that children
should know any wickedness. Old folks, you know,
130
have discretion, as they say, and know the world.
|
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Nay, but do so then, and, look you,
case have a nayword, that you may know one another’s
mind, and the boy never need to understand
anything; for ’tis not good that children
should know any wickedness. Old folks, you know,
|
|
FALSTAFF
Fare thee well. Commend me to them both.
There’s my purse.
(He gives her money.) I am yet
thy debtor.—Boy, go along with this woman.
( MISTRESS
QUICKLY and ROBIN exit.) This news distracts
135
me.
|
FALSTAFF
Fare thee well. Commend me to them both.
There’s my purse.
(He gives her money.) I am yet
thy debtor.—Boy, go along with this woman.
( MISTRESS
QUICKLY and ROBIN exit.) This news distracts
|
|
PISTOL ,
aside
This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers.
Clap on more sails, pursue; up with your fights;
Give fire! She is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!
|
PISTOL ,
aside
This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers.
Clap on more sails, pursue; up with your fights;
Give fire! She is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!
|
|
He exits.
|
He exits.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Sayst thou so, old Jack? Go thy ways. I’ll
140
make more of thy old body than I have done. Will
they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense
of so much money, be now a gainer? Good
body, I thank thee. Let them say ’tis grossly done;
so it be fairly done, no matter.
|
FALSTAFF
Sayst thou so, old Jack? Go thy ways. I’ll
they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense
of so much money, be now a gainer? Good
body, I thank thee. Let them say ’tis grossly done;
so it be fairly done, no matter.
|
|
Enter BARDOLPH with wine.
|
Enter BARDOLPH with wine.
|
|
BARDOLPH
145
Sir John, there’s one Master Brook below
would fain speak with you and be acquainted with
you, and hath sent your Worship a morning’s
draught of sack.
(He hands FALSTAFF the wine.)
|
BARDOLPH
would fain speak with you and be acquainted with
you, and hath sent your Worship a morning’s
draught of sack.
(He hands FALSTAFF the wine.)
|
|
FALSTAFF
Brook is his name?
|
FALSTAFF
Brook is his name?
|
|
BARDOLPH
150
Ay, sir.
|
BARDOLPH
|
|
FALSTAFF
Call him in. Such Brooks are welcome to
me that o’erflows such liquor.
( BARDOLPH exits.)
Ah ha, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I encompassed
you? Go to. Via!
|
FALSTAFF
Call him in. Such Brooks are welcome to
me that o’erflows such liquor.
( BARDOLPH exits.)
Ah ha, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I encompassed
you? Go to. Via!
|
|
Enter BARDOLPH with FORD disguised as BROOK.
|
Enter BARDOLPH with FORD disguised as BROOK.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
155
God bless you, sir.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
|
|
FALSTAFF
And you, sir. Would you speak with me?
|
FALSTAFF
And you, sir. Would you speak with me?
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
I make bold to press with so little
preparation upon you.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
I make bold to press with so little
preparation upon you.
|
|
FALSTAFF
You’re welcome. What’s your will?—Give us
160
leave, drawer.
BARDOLPH exits.
|
FALSTAFF
You’re welcome. What’s your will?—Give us
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent
much. My name is Brook.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent
much. My name is Brook.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance
of you.
|
FALSTAFF
Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance
of you.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
165
Good Sir John, I sue for yours—not
to charge you, for I must let you understand I
think myself in better plight for a lender than you
are, the which hath something emboldened me to
this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money
170
go before, all ways do lie open.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
to charge you, for I must let you understand I
think myself in better plight for a lender than you
are, the which hath something emboldened me to
this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money
|
|
FALSTAFF
Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
|
FALSTAFF
Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Troth, and I have a bag of money
here troubles me.
He sets it down. If you will help
to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me
175
of the carriage.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Troth, and I have a bag of money
here troubles me.
He sets it down. If you will help
to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me
|
|
FALSTAFF
Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your
porter.
|
FALSTAFF
Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your
porter.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
I will tell you, sir, if you will give me
the hearing.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
I will tell you, sir, if you will give me
the hearing.
|
|
FALSTAFF
180
Speak, good Master Brook. I shall be glad
to be your servant.
|
FALSTAFF
to be your servant.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Sir, I hear you are a scholar—I will
be brief with you—and you have been a man long
known to me, though I had never so good means
185
as desire to make myself acquainted with you. I
shall discover a thing to you wherein I must very
much lay open mine own imperfection. But, good
Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as
you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register
190
of your own, that I may pass with a reproof
the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to
be such an offender.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Sir, I hear you are a scholar—I will
be brief with you—and you have been a man long
known to me, though I had never so good means
shall discover a thing to you wherein I must very
much lay open mine own imperfection. But, good
Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as
you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register
the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to
be such an offender.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Very well, sir. Proceed.
|
FALSTAFF
Very well, sir. Proceed.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
There is a gentlewoman in this
195
town—her husband’s name is Ford.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
There is a gentlewoman in this
|
|
FALSTAFF
Well, sir.
|
FALSTAFF
Well, sir.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
I have long loved her and, I protest
to you, bestowed much on her, followed her with
a doting observance, engrossed opportunities to
200
meet her, fee’d every slight occasion that could but
niggardly give me sight of her, not only bought
many presents to give her, but have given largely to
many to know what she would have given. Briefly,
I have pursued her as love hath pursued me, which
205
hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever
I have merited, either in my mind or in my
means, meed I am sure I have received none, unless
experience be a jewel. That I have purchased
210
at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say
this:
“Love like a shadow flies when substance love
pursues,
Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.”
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
I have long loved her and, I protest
to you, bestowed much on her, followed her with
a doting observance, engrossed opportunities to
niggardly give me sight of her, not only bought
many presents to give her, but have given largely to
many to know what she would have given. Briefly,
I have pursued her as love hath pursued me, which
I have merited, either in my mind or in my
means, meed I am sure I have received none, unless
experience be a jewel. That I have purchased
this:
“Love like a shadow flies when substance love
pursues,
Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.”
|
|
FALSTAFF
Have you received no promise of satisfaction
215
at her hands?
|
FALSTAFF
Have you received no promise of satisfaction
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Never.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Never.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Have you importuned her to such a
purpose?
|
FALSTAFF
Have you importuned her to such a
purpose?
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Never.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Never.
|
|
FALSTAFF
220
Of what quality was your love, then?
|
FALSTAFF
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Like a fair house built on another
man’s ground, so that I have lost my edifice by
mistaking the place where I erected it.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Like a fair house built on another
man’s ground, so that I have lost my edifice by
mistaking the place where I erected it.
|
|
FALSTAFF
To what purpose have you unfolded this to
225
me?
|
FALSTAFF
To what purpose have you unfolded this to
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
When I have told you that, I have
told you all. Some say that though she appear honest
to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her
mirth so far that there is shrewd construction
230
made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my
purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding,
admirable discourse, of great admittance,
authentic in your place and person, generally
allowed for your many warlike, courtlike, and
235
learned preparations.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
When I have told you that, I have
told you all. Some say that though she appear honest
to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her
mirth so far that there is shrewd construction
purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding,
admirable discourse, of great admittance,
authentic in your place and person, generally
allowed for your many warlike, courtlike, and
|
|
FALSTAFF
O, sir!
|
FALSTAFF
O, sir!
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Believe it, for you know it. There is
money.
(He points to the bag.) Spend it, spend
it, spend more; spend all I have. Only give me so
240
much of your time in exchange of it as to lay an
amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford’s wife.
Use your art of wooing; win her to consent to you.
If any man may, you may as soon as any.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Believe it, for you know it. There is
money.
(He points to the bag.) Spend it, spend
it, spend more; spend all I have. Only give me so
amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford’s wife.
Use your art of wooing; win her to consent to you.
If any man may, you may as soon as any.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Would it apply well to the vehemency of
245
your affection that I should win what you would
enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very
preposterously.
|
FALSTAFF
Would it apply well to the vehemency of
enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very
preposterously.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
O, understand my drift. She dwells
so securely on the excellency of her honor that the
250
folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too
bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to
her with any detection in my hand, my desires had
instance and argument to commend themselves. I
could drive her then from the ward of her purity,
255
her reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand
other her defenses, which now are too too strongly
embattled against me. What say you to ’t, Sir
John?
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
O, understand my drift. She dwells
so securely on the excellency of her honor that the
bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to
her with any detection in my hand, my desires had
instance and argument to commend themselves. I
could drive her then from the ward of her purity,
other her defenses, which now are too too strongly
embattled against me. What say you to ’t, Sir
John?
|
|
FALSTAFF ,
taking the bag
Master Brook, I will first
260
make bold with your money; next, give me your
hand; and, last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if
you will, enjoy Ford’s wife.
|
FALSTAFF ,
taking the bag
Master Brook, I will first
hand; and, last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if
you will, enjoy Ford’s wife.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
O, good sir!
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
O, good sir!
|
|
FALSTAFF
I say you shall.
|
FALSTAFF
I say you shall.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
265
Want no money, Sir John; you shall
want none.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
want none.
|
|
FALSTAFF
Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you
shall want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you,
by her own appointment. Even as you came in to
270
me, her assistant or go-between parted from me. I
say I shall be with her between ten and eleven, for
at that time the jealous, rascally knave her husband
will be forth. Come you to me at night. You
shall know how I speed.
|
FALSTAFF
Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you
shall want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you,
by her own appointment. Even as you came in to
say I shall be with her between ten and eleven, for
at that time the jealous, rascally knave her husband
will be forth. Come you to me at night. You
shall know how I speed.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
275
I am blessed in your acquaintance.
Do you know Ford, sir?
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
Do you know Ford, sir?
|
|
FALSTAFF
Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know
him not. Yet I wrong him to call him poor. They
say the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of
280
money, for the which his wife seems to me well-favored.
I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly
rogue’s coffer, and there’s my harvest home.
|
FALSTAFF
Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know
him not. Yet I wrong him to call him poor. They
say the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of
I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly
rogue’s coffer, and there’s my harvest home.
|
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
I would you knew Ford, sir, that you
might avoid him if you saw him.
|
FORD ,
as BROOK
I would you knew Ford, sir, that you
might avoid him if you saw him.
|
|
FALSTAFF
285
Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I
will stare him out of his wits. I will awe him with
my cudgel; it shall hang like a meteor o’er the
cuckold’s horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I
will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt
290
lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night. Ford’s
a knave, and I will aggravate his style. Thou, Master
Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold.
Come to me soon at night.
FALSTAFF exits.
|
FALSTAFF
will stare him out of his wits. I will awe him with
my cudgel; it shall hang like a meteor o’er the
cuckold’s horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I
will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt
a knave, and I will aggravate his style. Thou, Master
Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold.
Come to me soon at night.
FALSTAFF exits.
|
|
FORD
What a damned epicurean rascal is this! My
295
heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says
this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent
to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made.
Would any man have thought this? See the hell of
having a false woman: my bed shall be abused, my
300
coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at. And
I shall not only receive this villainous wrong but
stand under the adoption of abominable terms,
and by him that does me this wrong. Terms,
names! “Amaimon” sounds well, “Lucifer” well,
305
“Barbason” well; yet they are devils’ additions, the
names of fiends. But “Cuckold,” “Wittoll,” “Cuckold”!
The devil himself hath not such a name. Page
is an ass, a secure ass. He will trust his wife, he will
not be jealous. I will rather trust a Fleming with
310
my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my 310
cheese, an Irishman with my aquavitae bottle, or
a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife
with herself. Then she plots, then she ruminates,
then she devises; and what they think in their
315
hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts
but they will effect. God be praised for my jealousy!
Eleven o’clock the hour. I will prevent this,
detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh
at Page. I will about it. Better three hours too soon
320
than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! Cuckold, cuckold,
cuckold!
|
FORD
What a damned epicurean rascal is this! My
this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent
to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made.
Would any man have thought this? See the hell of
having a false woman: my bed shall be abused, my
I shall not only receive this villainous wrong but
stand under the adoption of abominable terms,
and by him that does me this wrong. Terms,
names! “Amaimon” sounds well, “Lucifer” well,
names of fiends. But “Cuckold,” “Wittoll,” “Cuckold”!
The devil himself hath not such a name. Page
is an ass, a secure ass. He will trust his wife, he will
not be jealous. I will rather trust a Fleming with
cheese, an Irishman with my aquavitae bottle, or
a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife
with herself. Then she plots, then she ruminates,
then she devises; and what they think in their
but they will effect. God be praised for my jealousy!
Eleven o’clock the hour. I will prevent this,
detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh
at Page. I will about it. Better three hours too soon
cuckold!
|
|
He exits.
|
He exits.
|
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