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Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE.
Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE.
MISTRESS FORD
What, John! What, Robert!
MISTRESS FORD
What, John! What, Robert!
MISTRESS PAGE
Quickly, quickly! Is the buck-basket—
MISTRESS PAGE
Quickly, quickly! Is the buck-basket—
MISTRESS FORD
I warrant.—What, Robert, I say!
MISTRESS FORD
I warrant.—What, Robert, I say!
Enter JOHN and ROBERT with a large buck-basket.
Enter JOHN and ROBERT with a large buck-basket.
MISTRESS PAGE
Come, come, come.
MISTRESS PAGE
Come, come, come.
MISTRESS FORD
5
Here, set it down.
MISTRESS FORD
5
Here, set it down.
MISTRESS PAGE
Give your men the charge. We must be
brief.
MISTRESS PAGE
Give your men the charge. We must be
brief.
MISTRESS FORD
Marry, as I told you before, John and
Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse,
10
and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and
without any pause or staggering take this basket
on your shoulders. That done, trudge with it in all
haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet
Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close
15
by the Thames side.
MISTRESS FORD
Marry, as I told you before, John and
Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse,
10
and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and
without any pause or staggering take this basket
on your shoulders. That done, trudge with it in all
haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet
Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close
15
by the Thames side.
MISTRESS PAGE
You will do it?
MISTRESS PAGE
You will do it?
MISTRESS FORD
I ha’ told them over and over. They lack
no direction.—Be gone, and come when you are
called. JOHN and ROBERT exit.
MISTRESS FORD
I ha’ told them over and over. They lack
no direction.—Be gone, and come when you are
called. JOHN and ROBERT exit.
MISTRESS PAGE
20
Here comes little Robin.
MISTRESS PAGE
20
Here comes little Robin.
Enter ROBIN.
Enter ROBIN.
MISTRESS FORD
How now, my eyas-musket? What news
with you?
MISTRESS FORD
How now, my eyas-musket? What news
with you?
ROBIN
My master, Sir John, is come in at your back
door, Mistress Ford, and requests your company.
ROBIN
My master, Sir John, is come in at your back
door, Mistress Ford, and requests your company.
MISTRESS PAGE
25
You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been
true to us?
MISTRESS PAGE
25
You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been
true to us?
ROBIN
Ay, I’ll be sworn. My master knows not of your
being here and hath threatened to put me into
everlasting liberty if I tell you of it, for he swears
30
he’ll turn me away.
ROBIN
Ay, I’ll be sworn. My master knows not of your
being here and hath threatened to put me into
everlasting liberty if I tell you of it, for he swears
30
he’ll turn me away.
MISTRESS PAGE
Thou ’rt a good boy. This secrecy of
thine shall be a tailor to thee and shall make thee a
new doublet and hose.—I’ll go hide me.
MISTRESS PAGE
Thou ’rt a good boy. This secrecy of
thine shall be a tailor to thee and shall make thee a
new doublet and hose.—I’ll go hide me.
MISTRESS FORD
Do so.—Go tell thy master I am alone.
35 ( ROBIN exits.)
Mistress Page, remember you your
cue.
MISTRESS FORD
Do so.—Go tell thy master I am alone.
35 ( ROBIN exits.)
Mistress Page, remember you your
cue.
MISTRESS PAGE
I warrant thee. If I do not act it, hiss
me. She exits.
MISTRESS PAGE
I warrant thee. If I do not act it, hiss
me. She exits.
MISTRESS FORD
Go to, then. We’ll use this unwholesome
40
humidity, this gross-wat’ry pumpion. We’ll
teach him to know turtles from jays.
MISTRESS FORD
Go to, then. We’ll use this unwholesome
40
humidity, this gross-wat’ry pumpion. We’ll
teach him to know turtles from jays.
Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF.
Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF.
FALSTAFF
“Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel?”
Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough.
This is the period of my ambition. O, this blessèd
45
hour!
FALSTAFF
“Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel?”
Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough.
This is the period of my ambition. O, this blessèd
45
hour!
MISTRESS FORD
O, sweet Sir John!
MISTRESS FORD
O, sweet Sir John!
FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, I cannot cog. I cannot prate,
Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would
thy husband were dead. I’ll speak it before the best
50
lord: I would make thee my lady.
FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, I cannot cog. I cannot prate,
Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would
thy husband were dead. I’ll speak it before the best
50
lord: I would make thee my lady.
MISTRESS FORD
I your lady, Sir John? Alas, I should be
a pitiful lady.
MISTRESS FORD
I your lady, Sir John? Alas, I should be
a pitiful lady.
FALSTAFF
Let the court of France show me such
another. I see how thine eye would emulate the
55
diamond. Thou hast the right arched beauty of the
brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant,
or any tire of Venetian admittance.
FALSTAFF
Let the court of France show me such
another. I see how thine eye would emulate the
55
diamond. Thou hast the right arched beauty of the
brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant,
or any tire of Venetian admittance.
MISTRESS FORD
A plain kerchief, Sir John. My brows
become nothing else, nor that well neither.
MISTRESS FORD
A plain kerchief, Sir John. My brows
become nothing else, nor that well neither.
FALSTAFF
60
Thou art a tyrant to say so. Thou wouldst
make an absolute courtier, and the firm fixture of
thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait
in a semicircled farthingale. I see what thou wert,
if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature thy friend.
65
Come, thou canst not hide it.
FALSTAFF
60
Thou art a tyrant to say so. Thou wouldst
make an absolute courtier, and the firm fixture of
thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait
in a semicircled farthingale. I see what thou wert,
if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature thy friend.
65
Come, thou canst not hide it.
MISTRESS FORD
Believe me, there’s no such thing in
me.
MISTRESS FORD
Believe me, there’s no such thing in
me.
FALSTAFF
What made me love thee? Let that persuade
thee. There’s something extraordinary in thee.
70
Come, I cannot cog and say thou art this and that
like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds that
come like women in men’s apparel and smell like
Bucklersbury in simple time. I cannot. But I love
thee, none but thee; and thou deserv’st it.
FALSTAFF
What made me love thee? Let that persuade
thee. There’s something extraordinary in thee.
70
Come, I cannot cog and say thou art this and that
like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds that
come like women in men’s apparel and smell like
Bucklersbury in simple time. I cannot. But I love
thee, none but thee; and thou deserv’st it.
MISTRESS FORD
75
Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love
Mistress Page.
MISTRESS FORD
75
Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love
Mistress Page.
FALSTAFF
Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by
the Counter gate, which is as hateful to me as the
reek of a lime-kiln.
FALSTAFF
Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by
the Counter gate, which is as hateful to me as the
reek of a lime-kiln.
MISTRESS FORD
80
Well, heaven knows how I love you,
and you shall one day find it.
MISTRESS FORD
80
Well, heaven knows how I love you,
and you shall one day find it.
FALSTAFF
Keep in that mind. I’ll deserve it.
FALSTAFF
Keep in that mind. I’ll deserve it.
MISTRESS FORD
Nay, I must tell you, so you do, or else
I could not be in that mind.
MISTRESS FORD
Nay, I must tell you, so you do, or else
I could not be in that mind.
Enter ROBIN.
Enter ROBIN.
ROBIN
85
Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! Here’s Mistress
Page at the door, sweating and blowing and looking
wildly, and would needs speak with you
presently.
ROBIN
85
Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! Here’s Mistress
Page at the door, sweating and blowing and looking
wildly, and would needs speak with you
presently.
FALSTAFF
She shall not see me. I will ensconce me behind
90
the arras.
FALSTAFF
She shall not see me. I will ensconce me behind
90
the arras.
MISTRESS FORD
Pray you, do so. She’s a very tattling
woman. FALSTAFF stands behind the arras.
Enter MISTRESS PAGE.
What’s the matter? How now?
MISTRESS FORD
Pray you, do so. She’s a very tattling
woman. FALSTAFF stands behind the arras.
Enter MISTRESS PAGE.
What’s the matter? How now?
MISTRESS PAGE
O Mistress Ford, what have you done?
95
You’re shamed, you’re overthrown, you’re undone
forever!
MISTRESS PAGE
O Mistress Ford, what have you done?
95
You’re shamed, you’re overthrown, you’re undone
forever!
MISTRESS FORD
What’s the matter, good Mistress Page?
MISTRESS FORD
What’s the matter, good Mistress Page?
MISTRESS PAGE
O well-a-day, Mistress Ford, having an
honest man to your husband, to give him such
100
cause of suspicion!
MISTRESS PAGE
O well-a-day, Mistress Ford, having an
honest man to your husband, to give him such
100
cause of suspicion!
MISTRESS FORD
What cause of suspicion?
MISTRESS FORD
What cause of suspicion?
MISTRESS PAGE
What cause of suspicion? Out upon you!
How am I mistook in you!
MISTRESS PAGE
What cause of suspicion? Out upon you!
How am I mistook in you!
MISTRESS FORD
Why, alas, what’s the matter?
MISTRESS FORD
Why, alas, what’s the matter?
MISTRESS PAGE
105
Your husband’s coming hither, woman,
with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman
that he says is here now in the house, by
your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence.
You are undone.
MISTRESS PAGE
105
Your husband’s coming hither, woman,
with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman
that he says is here now in the house, by
your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence.
You are undone.
MISTRESS FORD
110
’Tis not so, I hope.
MISTRESS FORD
110
’Tis not so, I hope.
MISTRESS PAGE
Pray heaven it be not so, that you have
such a man here! But ’tis most certain your husband’s
coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to
search for such a one. I come before to tell you. If
115
you know yourself clear, why, I am glad of it. But if
you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be
not amazed! Call all your senses to you; defend
your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life
forever.
MISTRESS PAGE
Pray heaven it be not so, that you have
such a man here! But ’tis most certain your husband’s
coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to
search for such a one. I come before to tell you. If
115
you know yourself clear, why, I am glad of it. But if
you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be
not amazed! Call all your senses to you; defend
your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life
forever.
MISTRESS FORD
120
What shall I do? There is a gentleman,
my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame so
much as his peril. I had rather than a thousand
pound he were out of the house.
MISTRESS FORD
120
What shall I do? There is a gentleman,
my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame so
much as his peril. I had rather than a thousand
pound he were out of the house.
MISTRESS PAGE
For shame! Never stand “you had
125
rather” and “you had rather.” Your husband’s here
at hand. Bethink you of some conveyance. In the
house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived
me! Look, here is a basket. If he be of any
reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and
130
throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to
bucking. Or—it is whiting time—send him by your
two men to Datchet Mead.
MISTRESS PAGE
For shame! Never stand “you had
125
rather” and “you had rather.” Your husband’s here
at hand. Bethink you of some conveyance. In the
house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived
me! Look, here is a basket. If he be of any
reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and
130
throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to
bucking. Or—it is whiting time—send him by your
two men to Datchet Mead.
MISTRESS FORD
He’s too big to go in there. What shall I
do? FALSTAFF comes forward.
MISTRESS FORD
He’s too big to go in there. What shall I
do? FALSTAFF comes forward.
FALSTAFF
135
Let me see ’t, let me see ’t! O, let me see ’t! I’ll
in, I’ll in. Follow your friend’s counsel. I’ll in.
FALSTAFF
135
Let me see ’t, let me see ’t! O, let me see ’t! I’ll
in, I’ll in. Follow your friend’s counsel. I’ll in.
MISTRESS PAGE
What, Sir John Falstaff? (Aside to
him.) Are these your letters, knight?
MISTRESS PAGE
What, Sir John Falstaff? (Aside to
him.) Are these your letters, knight?
FALSTAFF , aside to MISTRESS PAGE
I love thee. Help me
140
away. Let me creep in here. I’ll never—
FALSTAFF , aside to MISTRESS PAGE
I love thee. Help me
140
away. Let me creep in here. I’ll never—
FALSTAFF goes into the basket; they cover him with dirty clothes.
FALSTAFF goes into the basket; they cover him with dirty clothes.
MISTRESS PAGE , to ROBIN
Help to cover your master,
boy.—Call your men, Mistress Ford.—You dissembling
knight! ROBIN exits.
MISTRESS PAGE , to ROBIN
Help to cover your master,
boy.—Call your men, Mistress Ford.—You dissembling
knight! ROBIN exits.
MISTRESS FORD
What, John! Robert! John!
Enter ROBERT and JOHN.
145
Go, take up these clothes here quickly. Where’s the
cowlstaff? Look how you drumble! Carry them to
the laundress in Datchet Mead. Quickly! Come.
MISTRESS FORD
What, John! Robert! John!
Enter ROBERT and JOHN.
145
Go, take up these clothes here quickly. Where’s the
cowlstaff? Look how you drumble! Carry them to
the laundress in Datchet Mead. Quickly! Come.
Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS.
Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS.
FORD
Pray you, come near. If I suspect without cause,
why then make sport at me. Then let me be your
150
jest; I deserve it.—How now? Whither bear you
this?
FORD
Pray you, come near. If I suspect without cause,
why then make sport at me. Then let me be your
150
jest; I deserve it.—How now? Whither bear you
this?
ROBERT and JOHN
To the laundress, forsooth.
ROBERT and JOHN
To the laundress, forsooth.
FORD
155
Buck? I would I could wash myself of the buck.
Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck! I warrant you, buck,
and of the season too, it shall appear.
ROBERT and JOHN exit with the buck-basket.
Gentlemen, I have dreamed tonight; I’ll tell you my
dream. Here, here, here be my keys. Ascend my
160
chambers. Search, seek, find out. I’ll warrant we’ll
unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first. (He
locks the door.) So, now uncape.
FORD
155
Buck? I would I could wash myself of the buck.
Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck! I warrant you, buck,
and of the season too, it shall appear.
ROBERT and JOHN exit with the buck-basket.
Gentlemen, I have dreamed tonight; I’ll tell you my
dream. Here, here, here be my keys. Ascend my
160
chambers. Search, seek, find out. I’ll warrant we’ll
unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first. (He
locks the door.) So, now uncape.
PAGE
Good Master Ford, be contented. You wrong
yourself too much.
PAGE
Good Master Ford, be contented. You wrong
yourself too much.
FORD
165
True, Master Page.—Up, gentlemen. You shall
see sport anon. Follow me, gentlemen. He exits.
FORD
165
True, Master Page.—Up, gentlemen. You shall
see sport anon. Follow me, gentlemen. He exits.
SIR HUGH
This is fery fantastical humors and
jealousies.
SIR HUGH
This is fery fantastical humors and
jealousies.
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, ’tis no the fashion of France. It is
170
not jealous in France.
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, ’tis no the fashion of France. It is
170
not jealous in France.
PAGE
Nay, follow him, gentlemen. See the issue of his
search. PAGE , SIR HUGH, and CAIUS exit.
PAGE
Nay, follow him, gentlemen. See the issue of his
search. PAGE , SIR HUGH, and CAIUS exit.
MISTRESS PAGE
Is there not a double excellency in this?
MISTRESS PAGE
Is there not a double excellency in this?
MISTRESS FORD
I know not which pleases me better—
175
that my husband is deceived, or Sir John.
MISTRESS FORD
I know not which pleases me better—
175
that my husband is deceived, or Sir John.
MISTRESS PAGE
What a taking was he in when your
husband asked who was in the basket!
MISTRESS PAGE
What a taking was he in when your
husband asked who was in the basket!
MISTRESS FORD
I am half afraid he will have need of
washing, so throwing him into the water will do
180
him a benefit.
MISTRESS FORD
I am half afraid he will have need of
washing, so throwing him into the water will do
180
him a benefit.
MISTRESS PAGE
Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all
of the same strain were in the same distress.
MISTRESS PAGE
Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all
of the same strain were in the same distress.
MISTRESS FORD
I think my husband hath some special
suspicion of Falstaff’s being here, for I never saw
185
him so gross in his jealousy till now.
MISTRESS FORD
I think my husband hath some special
suspicion of Falstaff’s being here, for I never saw
185
him so gross in his jealousy till now.
MISTRESS PAGE
I will lay a plot to try that, and we will
yet have more tricks with Falstaff. His dissolute
disease will scarce obey this medicine.
MISTRESS PAGE
I will lay a plot to try that, and we will
yet have more tricks with Falstaff. His dissolute
disease will scarce obey this medicine.
MISTRESS FORD
Shall we send that foolish carrion Mistress
190
Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into
the water, and give him another hope, to betray
him to another punishment?
MISTRESS FORD
Shall we send that foolish carrion Mistress
190
Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into
the water, and give him another hope, to betray
him to another punishment?
MISTRESS PAGE
We will do it. Let him be sent for tomorrow
eight o’clock to have amends.
MISTRESS PAGE
We will do it. Let him be sent for tomorrow
eight o’clock to have amends.
Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH.
Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH.
FORD
195
I cannot find him. Maybe the knave bragged of
that he could not compass.
FORD
195
I cannot find him. Maybe the knave bragged of
that he could not compass.
MISTRESS PAGE , aside to MISTRESS FORD
Heard you
that?
MISTRESS PAGE , aside to MISTRESS FORD
Heard you
that?
MISTRESS FORD
You use me well, Master Ford, do you?
MISTRESS FORD
You use me well, Master Ford, do you?
FORD
200
Ay, I do so.
FORD
200
Ay, I do so.
MISTRESS FORD
Heaven make you better than your
thoughts!
MISTRESS FORD
Heaven make you better than your
thoughts!
FORD
Amen!
FORD
Amen!
MISTRESS PAGE
You do yourself mighty wrong, Master
205
Ford.
MISTRESS PAGE
You do yourself mighty wrong, Master
205
Ford.
FORD
Ay, ay. I must bear it.
FORD
Ay, ay. I must bear it.
SIR HUGH
If there be anypody in the house, and in the
chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,
heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!
SIR HUGH
If there be anypody in the house, and in the
chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,
heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!
DOCTOR CAIUS
210
Be gar, nor I too. There is nobodies.
DOCTOR CAIUS
210
Be gar, nor I too. There is nobodies.
PAGE
Fie, fie, Master Ford, are you not ashamed?
What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination?
I would not ha’ your distemper in this kind for the
wealth of Windsor Castle.
PAGE
Fie, fie, Master Ford, are you not ashamed?
What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination?
I would not ha’ your distemper in this kind for the
wealth of Windsor Castle.
FORD
215
’Tis my fault, Master Page. I suffer for it.
FORD
215
’Tis my fault, Master Page. I suffer for it.
SIR HUGH
You suffer for a pad conscience. Your wife is
as honest a ’omans as I will desires among five
thousand, and five hundred too.
SIR HUGH
You suffer for a pad conscience. Your wife is
as honest a ’omans as I will desires among five
thousand, and five hundred too.
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, I see ’tis an honest woman.
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, I see ’tis an honest woman.
FORD
220
Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come,
walk in the park. I pray you, pardon me. I will
hereafter make known to you why I have done
this.—Come, wife—come, Mistress Page, I pray
you, pardon me. Pray, heartily, pardon me.
FORD
220
Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come,
walk in the park. I pray you, pardon me. I will
hereafter make known to you why I have done
this.—Come, wife—come, Mistress Page, I pray
you, pardon me. Pray, heartily, pardon me.
MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD exit.
MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD exit.
PAGE , to CAIUS and SIR HUGH
225
Let’s go in, gentlemen.
But, trust me, we’ll mock him. (To FORD, CAIUS,
and SIR HUGH.) I do invite you tomorrow morning
to my house to breakfast. After, we’ll a-birding together;
I have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be
230
so?
PAGE , to CAIUS and SIR HUGH
225
Let’s go in, gentlemen.
But, trust me, we’ll mock him. (To FORD, CAIUS,
and SIR HUGH.) I do invite you tomorrow morning
to my house to breakfast. After, we’ll a-birding together;
I have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be
230
so?
FORD
Anything.
FORD
Anything.
SIR HUGH
If there is one, I shall make two in the
company.
SIR HUGH
If there is one, I shall make two in the
company.
DOCTOR CAIUS
If there be one or two, I shall make-a the
235
turd
DOCTOR CAIUS
If there be one or two, I shall make-a the
235
turd
FORD
Pray you, go, Master Page.
FORD
Pray you, go, Master Page.
FORD and PAGE exit.
FORD and PAGE exit.
SIR HUGH
I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on
the lousy knave mine Host.
SIR HUGH
I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on
the lousy knave mine Host.
DOCTOR CAIUS
Dat is good, by gar, with all my heart.
DOCTOR CAIUS
Dat is good, by gar, with all my heart.
SIR HUGH
240
A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his
mockeries!
SIR HUGH
240
A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his
mockeries!
They exit.
They exit.

Original Text

Modern Text
Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE.
Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE.
MISTRESS FORD
What, John! What, Robert!
MISTRESS FORD
What, John! What, Robert!
MISTRESS PAGE
Quickly, quickly! Is the buck-basket—
MISTRESS PAGE
Quickly, quickly! Is the buck-basket—
MISTRESS FORD
I warrant.—What, Robert, I say!
MISTRESS FORD
I warrant.—What, Robert, I say!
Enter JOHN and ROBERT with a large buck-basket.
Enter JOHN and ROBERT with a large buck-basket.
MISTRESS PAGE
Come, come, come.
MISTRESS PAGE
Come, come, come.
MISTRESS FORD
5
Here, set it down.
MISTRESS FORD
5
Here, set it down.
MISTRESS PAGE
Give your men the charge. We must be
brief.
MISTRESS PAGE
Give your men the charge. We must be
brief.
MISTRESS FORD
Marry, as I told you before, John and
Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse,
10
and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and
without any pause or staggering take this basket
on your shoulders. That done, trudge with it in all
haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet
Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close
15
by the Thames side.
MISTRESS FORD
Marry, as I told you before, John and
Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse,
10
and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and
without any pause or staggering take this basket
on your shoulders. That done, trudge with it in all
haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet
Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close
15
by the Thames side.
MISTRESS PAGE
You will do it?
MISTRESS PAGE
You will do it?
MISTRESS FORD
I ha’ told them over and over. They lack
no direction.—Be gone, and come when you are
called. JOHN and ROBERT exit.
MISTRESS FORD
I ha’ told them over and over. They lack
no direction.—Be gone, and come when you are
called. JOHN and ROBERT exit.
MISTRESS PAGE
20
Here comes little Robin.
MISTRESS PAGE
20
Here comes little Robin.
Enter ROBIN.
Enter ROBIN.
MISTRESS FORD
How now, my eyas-musket? What news
with you?
MISTRESS FORD
How now, my eyas-musket? What news
with you?
ROBIN
My master, Sir John, is come in at your back
door, Mistress Ford, and requests your company.
ROBIN
My master, Sir John, is come in at your back
door, Mistress Ford, and requests your company.
MISTRESS PAGE
25
You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been
true to us?
MISTRESS PAGE
25
You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been
true to us?
ROBIN
Ay, I’ll be sworn. My master knows not of your
being here and hath threatened to put me into
everlasting liberty if I tell you of it, for he swears
30
he’ll turn me away.
ROBIN
Ay, I’ll be sworn. My master knows not of your
being here and hath threatened to put me into
everlasting liberty if I tell you of it, for he swears
30
he’ll turn me away.
MISTRESS PAGE
Thou ’rt a good boy. This secrecy of
thine shall be a tailor to thee and shall make thee a
new doublet and hose.—I’ll go hide me.
MISTRESS PAGE
Thou ’rt a good boy. This secrecy of
thine shall be a tailor to thee and shall make thee a
new doublet and hose.—I’ll go hide me.
MISTRESS FORD
Do so.—Go tell thy master I am alone.
35 ( ROBIN exits.)
Mistress Page, remember you your
cue.
MISTRESS FORD
Do so.—Go tell thy master I am alone.
35 ( ROBIN exits.)
Mistress Page, remember you your
cue.
MISTRESS PAGE
I warrant thee. If I do not act it, hiss
me. She exits.
MISTRESS PAGE
I warrant thee. If I do not act it, hiss
me. She exits.
MISTRESS FORD
Go to, then. We’ll use this unwholesome
40
humidity, this gross-wat’ry pumpion. We’ll
teach him to know turtles from jays.
MISTRESS FORD
Go to, then. We’ll use this unwholesome
40
humidity, this gross-wat’ry pumpion. We’ll
teach him to know turtles from jays.
Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF.
Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF.
FALSTAFF
“Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel?”
Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough.
This is the period of my ambition. O, this blessèd
45
hour!
FALSTAFF
“Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel?”
Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough.
This is the period of my ambition. O, this blessèd
45
hour!
MISTRESS FORD
O, sweet Sir John!
MISTRESS FORD
O, sweet Sir John!
FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, I cannot cog. I cannot prate,
Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would
thy husband were dead. I’ll speak it before the best
50
lord: I would make thee my lady.
FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, I cannot cog. I cannot prate,
Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would
thy husband were dead. I’ll speak it before the best
50
lord: I would make thee my lady.
MISTRESS FORD
I your lady, Sir John? Alas, I should be
a pitiful lady.
MISTRESS FORD
I your lady, Sir John? Alas, I should be
a pitiful lady.
FALSTAFF
Let the court of France show me such
another. I see how thine eye would emulate the
55
diamond. Thou hast the right arched beauty of the
brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant,
or any tire of Venetian admittance.
FALSTAFF
Let the court of France show me such
another. I see how thine eye would emulate the
55
diamond. Thou hast the right arched beauty of the
brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant,
or any tire of Venetian admittance.
MISTRESS FORD
A plain kerchief, Sir John. My brows
become nothing else, nor that well neither.
MISTRESS FORD
A plain kerchief, Sir John. My brows
become nothing else, nor that well neither.
FALSTAFF
60
Thou art a tyrant to say so. Thou wouldst
make an absolute courtier, and the firm fixture of
thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait
in a semicircled farthingale. I see what thou wert,
if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature thy friend.
65
Come, thou canst not hide it.
FALSTAFF
60
Thou art a tyrant to say so. Thou wouldst
make an absolute courtier, and the firm fixture of
thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait
in a semicircled farthingale. I see what thou wert,
if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature thy friend.
65
Come, thou canst not hide it.
MISTRESS FORD
Believe me, there’s no such thing in
me.
MISTRESS FORD
Believe me, there’s no such thing in
me.
FALSTAFF
What made me love thee? Let that persuade
thee. There’s something extraordinary in thee.
70
Come, I cannot cog and say thou art this and that
like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds that
come like women in men’s apparel and smell like
Bucklersbury in simple time. I cannot. But I love
thee, none but thee; and thou deserv’st it.
FALSTAFF
What made me love thee? Let that persuade
thee. There’s something extraordinary in thee.
70
Come, I cannot cog and say thou art this and that
like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds that
come like women in men’s apparel and smell like
Bucklersbury in simple time. I cannot. But I love
thee, none but thee; and thou deserv’st it.
MISTRESS FORD
75
Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love
Mistress Page.
MISTRESS FORD
75
Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love
Mistress Page.
FALSTAFF
Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by
the Counter gate, which is as hateful to me as the
reek of a lime-kiln.
FALSTAFF
Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by
the Counter gate, which is as hateful to me as the
reek of a lime-kiln.
MISTRESS FORD
80
Well, heaven knows how I love you,
and you shall one day find it.
MISTRESS FORD
80
Well, heaven knows how I love you,
and you shall one day find it.
FALSTAFF
Keep in that mind. I’ll deserve it.
FALSTAFF
Keep in that mind. I’ll deserve it.
MISTRESS FORD
Nay, I must tell you, so you do, or else
I could not be in that mind.
MISTRESS FORD
Nay, I must tell you, so you do, or else
I could not be in that mind.
Enter ROBIN.
Enter ROBIN.
ROBIN
85
Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! Here’s Mistress
Page at the door, sweating and blowing and looking
wildly, and would needs speak with you
presently.
ROBIN
85
Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! Here’s Mistress
Page at the door, sweating and blowing and looking
wildly, and would needs speak with you
presently.
FALSTAFF
She shall not see me. I will ensconce me behind
90
the arras.
FALSTAFF
She shall not see me. I will ensconce me behind
90
the arras.
MISTRESS FORD
Pray you, do so. She’s a very tattling
woman. FALSTAFF stands behind the arras.
Enter MISTRESS PAGE.
What’s the matter? How now?
MISTRESS FORD
Pray you, do so. She’s a very tattling
woman. FALSTAFF stands behind the arras.
Enter MISTRESS PAGE.
What’s the matter? How now?
MISTRESS PAGE
O Mistress Ford, what have you done?
95
You’re shamed, you’re overthrown, you’re undone
forever!
MISTRESS PAGE
O Mistress Ford, what have you done?
95
You’re shamed, you’re overthrown, you’re undone
forever!
MISTRESS FORD
What’s the matter, good Mistress Page?
MISTRESS FORD
What’s the matter, good Mistress Page?
MISTRESS PAGE
O well-a-day, Mistress Ford, having an
honest man to your husband, to give him such
100
cause of suspicion!
MISTRESS PAGE
O well-a-day, Mistress Ford, having an
honest man to your husband, to give him such
100
cause of suspicion!
MISTRESS FORD
What cause of suspicion?
MISTRESS FORD
What cause of suspicion?
MISTRESS PAGE
What cause of suspicion? Out upon you!
How am I mistook in you!
MISTRESS PAGE
What cause of suspicion? Out upon you!
How am I mistook in you!
MISTRESS FORD
Why, alas, what’s the matter?
MISTRESS FORD
Why, alas, what’s the matter?
MISTRESS PAGE
105
Your husband’s coming hither, woman,
with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman
that he says is here now in the house, by
your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence.
You are undone.
MISTRESS PAGE
105
Your husband’s coming hither, woman,
with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman
that he says is here now in the house, by
your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence.
You are undone.
MISTRESS FORD
110
’Tis not so, I hope.
MISTRESS FORD
110
’Tis not so, I hope.
MISTRESS PAGE
Pray heaven it be not so, that you have
such a man here! But ’tis most certain your husband’s
coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to
search for such a one. I come before to tell you. If
115
you know yourself clear, why, I am glad of it. But if
you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be
not amazed! Call all your senses to you; defend
your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life
forever.
MISTRESS PAGE
Pray heaven it be not so, that you have
such a man here! But ’tis most certain your husband’s
coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to
search for such a one. I come before to tell you. If
115
you know yourself clear, why, I am glad of it. But if
you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be
not amazed! Call all your senses to you; defend
your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life
forever.
MISTRESS FORD
120
What shall I do? There is a gentleman,
my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame so
much as his peril. I had rather than a thousand
pound he were out of the house.
MISTRESS FORD
120
What shall I do? There is a gentleman,
my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame so
much as his peril. I had rather than a thousand
pound he were out of the house.
MISTRESS PAGE
For shame! Never stand “you had
125
rather” and “you had rather.” Your husband’s here
at hand. Bethink you of some conveyance. In the
house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived
me! Look, here is a basket. If he be of any
reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and
130
throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to
bucking. Or—it is whiting time—send him by your
two men to Datchet Mead.
MISTRESS PAGE
For shame! Never stand “you had
125
rather” and “you had rather.” Your husband’s here
at hand. Bethink you of some conveyance. In the
house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived
me! Look, here is a basket. If he be of any
reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and
130
throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to
bucking. Or—it is whiting time—send him by your
two men to Datchet Mead.
MISTRESS FORD
He’s too big to go in there. What shall I
do? FALSTAFF comes forward.
MISTRESS FORD
He’s too big to go in there. What shall I
do? FALSTAFF comes forward.
FALSTAFF
135
Let me see ’t, let me see ’t! O, let me see ’t! I’ll
in, I’ll in. Follow your friend’s counsel. I’ll in.
FALSTAFF
135
Let me see ’t, let me see ’t! O, let me see ’t! I’ll
in, I’ll in. Follow your friend’s counsel. I’ll in.
MISTRESS PAGE
What, Sir John Falstaff? (Aside to
him.) Are these your letters, knight?
MISTRESS PAGE
What, Sir John Falstaff? (Aside to
him.) Are these your letters, knight?
FALSTAFF , aside to MISTRESS PAGE
I love thee. Help me
140
away. Let me creep in here. I’ll never—
FALSTAFF , aside to MISTRESS PAGE
I love thee. Help me
140
away. Let me creep in here. I’ll never—
FALSTAFF goes into the basket; they cover him with dirty clothes.
FALSTAFF goes into the basket; they cover him with dirty clothes.
MISTRESS PAGE , to ROBIN
Help to cover your master,
boy.—Call your men, Mistress Ford.—You dissembling
knight! ROBIN exits.
MISTRESS PAGE , to ROBIN
Help to cover your master,
boy.—Call your men, Mistress Ford.—You dissembling
knight! ROBIN exits.
MISTRESS FORD
What, John! Robert! John!
Enter ROBERT and JOHN.
145
Go, take up these clothes here quickly. Where’s the
cowlstaff? Look how you drumble! Carry them to
the laundress in Datchet Mead. Quickly! Come.
MISTRESS FORD
What, John! Robert! John!
Enter ROBERT and JOHN.
145
Go, take up these clothes here quickly. Where’s the
cowlstaff? Look how you drumble! Carry them to
the laundress in Datchet Mead. Quickly! Come.
Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS.
Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS.
FORD
Pray you, come near. If I suspect without cause,
why then make sport at me. Then let me be your
150
jest; I deserve it.—How now? Whither bear you
this?
FORD
Pray you, come near. If I suspect without cause,
why then make sport at me. Then let me be your
150
jest; I deserve it.—How now? Whither bear you
this?
ROBERT and JOHN
To the laundress, forsooth.
ROBERT and JOHN
To the laundress, forsooth.
FORD
155
Buck? I would I could wash myself of the buck.
Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck! I warrant you, buck,
and of the season too, it shall appear.
ROBERT and JOHN exit with the buck-basket.
Gentlemen, I have dreamed tonight; I’ll tell you my
dream. Here, here, here be my keys. Ascend my
160
chambers. Search, seek, find out. I’ll warrant we’ll
unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first. (He
locks the door.) So, now uncape.
FORD
155
Buck? I would I could wash myself of the buck.
Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck! I warrant you, buck,
and of the season too, it shall appear.
ROBERT and JOHN exit with the buck-basket.
Gentlemen, I have dreamed tonight; I’ll tell you my
dream. Here, here, here be my keys. Ascend my
160
chambers. Search, seek, find out. I’ll warrant we’ll
unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first. (He
locks the door.) So, now uncape.
PAGE
Good Master Ford, be contented. You wrong
yourself too much.
PAGE
Good Master Ford, be contented. You wrong
yourself too much.
FORD
165
True, Master Page.—Up, gentlemen. You shall
see sport anon. Follow me, gentlemen. He exits.
FORD
165
True, Master Page.—Up, gentlemen. You shall
see sport anon. Follow me, gentlemen. He exits.
SIR HUGH
This is fery fantastical humors and
jealousies.
SIR HUGH
This is fery fantastical humors and
jealousies.
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, ’tis no the fashion of France. It is
170
not jealous in France.
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, ’tis no the fashion of France. It is
170
not jealous in France.
PAGE
Nay, follow him, gentlemen. See the issue of his
search. PAGE , SIR HUGH, and CAIUS exit.
PAGE
Nay, follow him, gentlemen. See the issue of his
search. PAGE , SIR HUGH, and CAIUS exit.
MISTRESS PAGE
Is there not a double excellency in this?
MISTRESS PAGE
Is there not a double excellency in this?
MISTRESS FORD
I know not which pleases me better—
175
that my husband is deceived, or Sir John.
MISTRESS FORD
I know not which pleases me better—
175
that my husband is deceived, or Sir John.
MISTRESS PAGE
What a taking was he in when your
husband asked who was in the basket!
MISTRESS PAGE
What a taking was he in when your
husband asked who was in the basket!
MISTRESS FORD
I am half afraid he will have need of
washing, so throwing him into the water will do
180
him a benefit.
MISTRESS FORD
I am half afraid he will have need of
washing, so throwing him into the water will do
180
him a benefit.
MISTRESS PAGE
Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all
of the same strain were in the same distress.
MISTRESS PAGE
Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all
of the same strain were in the same distress.
MISTRESS FORD
I think my husband hath some special
suspicion of Falstaff’s being here, for I never saw
185
him so gross in his jealousy till now.
MISTRESS FORD
I think my husband hath some special
suspicion of Falstaff’s being here, for I never saw
185
him so gross in his jealousy till now.
MISTRESS PAGE
I will lay a plot to try that, and we will
yet have more tricks with Falstaff. His dissolute
disease will scarce obey this medicine.
MISTRESS PAGE
I will lay a plot to try that, and we will
yet have more tricks with Falstaff. His dissolute
disease will scarce obey this medicine.
MISTRESS FORD
Shall we send that foolish carrion Mistress
190
Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into
the water, and give him another hope, to betray
him to another punishment?
MISTRESS FORD
Shall we send that foolish carrion Mistress
190
Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into
the water, and give him another hope, to betray
him to another punishment?
MISTRESS PAGE
We will do it. Let him be sent for tomorrow
eight o’clock to have amends.
MISTRESS PAGE
We will do it. Let him be sent for tomorrow
eight o’clock to have amends.
Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH.
Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH.
FORD
195
I cannot find him. Maybe the knave bragged of
that he could not compass.
FORD
195
I cannot find him. Maybe the knave bragged of
that he could not compass.
MISTRESS PAGE , aside to MISTRESS FORD
Heard you
that?
MISTRESS PAGE , aside to MISTRESS FORD
Heard you
that?
MISTRESS FORD
You use me well, Master Ford, do you?
MISTRESS FORD
You use me well, Master Ford, do you?
FORD
200
Ay, I do so.
FORD
200
Ay, I do so.
MISTRESS FORD
Heaven make you better than your
thoughts!
MISTRESS FORD
Heaven make you better than your
thoughts!
FORD
Amen!
FORD
Amen!
MISTRESS PAGE
You do yourself mighty wrong, Master
205
Ford.
MISTRESS PAGE
You do yourself mighty wrong, Master
205
Ford.
FORD
Ay, ay. I must bear it.
FORD
Ay, ay. I must bear it.
SIR HUGH
If there be anypody in the house, and in the
chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,
heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!
SIR HUGH
If there be anypody in the house, and in the
chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,
heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!
DOCTOR CAIUS
210
Be gar, nor I too. There is nobodies.
DOCTOR CAIUS
210
Be gar, nor I too. There is nobodies.
PAGE
Fie, fie, Master Ford, are you not ashamed?
What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination?
I would not ha’ your distemper in this kind for the
wealth of Windsor Castle.
PAGE
Fie, fie, Master Ford, are you not ashamed?
What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination?
I would not ha’ your distemper in this kind for the
wealth of Windsor Castle.
FORD
215
’Tis my fault, Master Page. I suffer for it.
FORD
215
’Tis my fault, Master Page. I suffer for it.
SIR HUGH
You suffer for a pad conscience. Your wife is
as honest a ’omans as I will desires among five
thousand, and five hundred too.
SIR HUGH
You suffer for a pad conscience. Your wife is
as honest a ’omans as I will desires among five
thousand, and five hundred too.
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, I see ’tis an honest woman.
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, I see ’tis an honest woman.
FORD
220
Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come,
walk in the park. I pray you, pardon me. I will
hereafter make known to you why I have done
this.—Come, wife—come, Mistress Page, I pray
you, pardon me. Pray, heartily, pardon me.
FORD
220
Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come,
walk in the park. I pray you, pardon me. I will
hereafter make known to you why I have done
this.—Come, wife—come, Mistress Page, I pray
you, pardon me. Pray, heartily, pardon me.
MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD exit.
MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD exit.
PAGE , to CAIUS and SIR HUGH
225
Let’s go in, gentlemen.
But, trust me, we’ll mock him. (To FORD, CAIUS,
and SIR HUGH.) I do invite you tomorrow morning
to my house to breakfast. After, we’ll a-birding together;
I have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be
230
so?
PAGE , to CAIUS and SIR HUGH
225
Let’s go in, gentlemen.
But, trust me, we’ll mock him. (To FORD, CAIUS,
and SIR HUGH.) I do invite you tomorrow morning
to my house to breakfast. After, we’ll a-birding together;
I have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be
230
so?
FORD
Anything.
FORD
Anything.
SIR HUGH
If there is one, I shall make two in the
company.
SIR HUGH
If there is one, I shall make two in the
company.
DOCTOR CAIUS
If there be one or two, I shall make-a the
235
turd
DOCTOR CAIUS
If there be one or two, I shall make-a the
235
turd
FORD
Pray you, go, Master Page.
FORD
Pray you, go, Master Page.
FORD and PAGE exit.
FORD and PAGE exit.
SIR HUGH
I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on
the lousy knave mine Host.
SIR HUGH
I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on
the lousy knave mine Host.
DOCTOR CAIUS
Dat is good, by gar, with all my heart.
DOCTOR CAIUS
Dat is good, by gar, with all my heart.
SIR HUGH
240
A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his
mockeries!
SIR HUGH
240
A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his
mockeries!
They exit.
They exit.
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