No Fear Shakespeare: The Merry Wives of Windsor: Act 1 Scene 4

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The Merry Wives of Windsor

William Shakespeare

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Original Text

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Original Text	Modern Text
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY and SIMPLE .	Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY and SIMPLE .
MISTRESS QUICKLY What, John Rugby! (Enter JOHN RUGBY .) I pray thee, go to the casement and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming. If he do, i’ faith, and find anybody in the 5 house, here will be an old abusing of God’s patience and the King’s English.	MISTRESS QUICKLY What, John Rugby! (Enter JOHN RUGBY .) I pray thee, go to the casement and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming. If he do, i’ faith, and find anybody in the house, here will be an old abusing of God’s patience and the King’s English.
RUGBY I’ll go watch.	RUGBY I’ll go watch.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Go, and we’ll have a posset for ’t soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a seacoal 10 fire. ( RUGBY exits.) An honest, willing, kind fellow as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no telltale nor no breed-bate. His worst fault is that he is given to prayer. He is something peevish that way, but nobody but has his 15 fault. But let that pass. Peter Simple you say your name is?	MISTRESS QUICKLY Go, and we’ll have a posset for ’t soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a seacoal fire. ( RUGBY exits.) An honest, willing, kind fellow as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no telltale nor no breed-bate. His worst fault is that he is given to prayer. He is something peevish that way, but nobody but has his fault. But let that pass. Peter Simple you say your name is?
SIMPLE Ay, for fault of a better.	SIMPLE Ay, for fault of a better.
MISTRESS QUICKLY And Master Slender’s your master?	MISTRESS QUICKLY And Master Slender’s your master?
SIMPLE Ay, forsooth.	SIMPLE Ay, forsooth.
MISTRESS QUICKLY 20 Does he not wear a great round beard like a glover’s paring knife?	MISTRESS QUICKLY Does he not wear a great round beard like a glover’s paring knife?
SIMPLE No, forsooth. He hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard, a Cain-colored beard.	SIMPLE No, forsooth. He hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard, a Cain-colored beard.
MISTRESS QUICKLY A softly-sprited man, is he not?	MISTRESS QUICKLY A softly-sprited man, is he not?
SIMPLE 25 Ay, forsooth. But he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head. He hath fought with a warrener.	SIMPLE Ay, forsooth. But he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head. He hath fought with a warrener.
MISTRESS QUICKLY How say you? O, I should remember him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were, 30 and strut in his gait?	MISTRESS QUICKLY How say you? O, I should remember him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?
SIMPLE Yes, indeed, does he.	SIMPLE Yes, indeed, does he.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your master. Anne is a good girl, and 35 I wish—	MISTRESS QUICKLY Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your master. Anne is a good girl, and I wish—
Enter RUGBY.	Enter RUGBY.
RUGBY Out, alas! Here comes my master.	RUGBY Out, alas! Here comes my master.
MISTRESS QUICKLY We shall all be shent.—Run in here, good young man. Go into this closet. He will not stay long. ( SIMPLE exits.) What, John Rugby! 40 John! What, John, I say! Go, John, go enquire for my master. I doubt he be not well, that he comes not home. RUGBY exits. (She sings.) And down, down, adown ’a, etc.	MISTRESS QUICKLY We shall all be shent.—Run in here, good young man. Go into this closet. He will not stay long. ( SIMPLE exits.) What, John Rugby! John! What, John, I say! Go, John, go enquire for my master. I doubt he be not well, that he comes not home. RUGBY exits. (She sings.) And down, down, adown ’a, etc.
Enter DOCTOR CAIUS.	Enter DOCTOR CAIUS.
DOCTOR CAIUS Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys. 45 Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boîtier vert, a box, a green-a box. Do intend vat I speak? A green-a box.	DOCTOR CAIUS Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boîtier vert, a box, a green-a box. Do intend vat I speak? A green-a box.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Ay, forsooth. I’ll fetch it you. (Aside.) I am glad he went not in himself. If he 50 had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad. She exits.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Ay, forsooth. I’ll fetch it you. (Aside.) I am glad he went not in himself. If he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad. She exits.
DOCTOR CAIUS Fe, fe, fe, fe! Ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m’en vais à la cour—la grande affaire.	DOCTOR CAIUS Fe, fe, fe, fe! Ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m’en vais à la cour—la grande affaire.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY with a small box.	Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY with a small box.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Is it this, sir?	MISTRESS QUICKLY Is it this, sir?
DOCTOR CAIUS 55 Oui, mets-le à mon pocket. Dépêche, quickly. Vere is dat knave Rugby?	DOCTOR CAIUS Oui, mets-le à mon pocket. Dépêche, quickly. Vere is dat knave Rugby?
MISTRESS QUICKLY What, John Rugby, John!	MISTRESS QUICKLY What, John Rugby, John!
Enter RUGBY.	Enter RUGBY.
RUGBY Here, sir.	RUGBY Here, sir.
DOCTOR CAIUS You are John Rugby, and you are Jack 60 Rugby. Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.	DOCTOR CAIUS You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.
RUGBY ’Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.	RUGBY ’Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
DOCTOR CAIUS By my trot, I tarry too long. Od’s me! Qu’ai-j’oublié? Dere is some simples in my 65 closet dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. He exits.	DOCTOR CAIUS By my trot, I tarry too long. Od’s me! Qu’ai-j’oublié? Dere is some simples in my closet dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. He exits.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Ay me! He’ll find the young man there, and be mad!	MISTRESS QUICKLY Ay me! He’ll find the young man there, and be mad!
Enter DOCTOR CAIUS.	Enter DOCTOR CAIUS.
DOCTOR CAIUS O diable, diable! Vat is in my closet? Villainy! 70 Larron! (Pulling out SIMPLE.) Rugby, my rapier!	DOCTOR CAIUS O diable, diable! Vat is in my closet? Villainy! Larron! (Pulling out SIMPLE.) Rugby, my rapier!
MISTRESS QUICKLY Good master, be content.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Good master, be content.
DOCTOR CAIUS Wherefore shall I be content-a?	DOCTOR CAIUS Wherefore shall I be content-a?
MISTRESS QUICKLY The young man is an honest man.	MISTRESS QUICKLY The young man is an honest man.
DOCTOR CAIUS 75 What shall de honest man do in my closet? Dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.	DOCTOR CAIUS What shall de honest man do in my closet? Dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.
MISTRESS QUICKLY I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth of it. He came of an errand to me 80 from Parson Hugh.	MISTRESS QUICKLY I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth of it. He came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.
DOCTOR CAIUS Vell?	DOCTOR CAIUS Vell?
SIMPLE Ay, forsooth. To desire her to—	SIMPLE Ay, forsooth. To desire her to—
MISTRESS QUICKLY Peace, I pray you.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Peace, I pray you.
DOCTOR CAIUS Peace-a your tongue.—Speak-a your 85 tale.	DOCTOR CAIUS Peace-a your tongue.—Speak-a your tale.
SIMPLE To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my master in the way of marriage.	SIMPLE To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my master in the way of marriage.
MISTRESS QUICKLY This is all, indeed, la! But I’ll ne’er 90 put my finger in the fire, and need not.	MISTRESS QUICKLY This is all, indeed, la! But I’ll ne’er put my finger in the fire, and need not.
DOCTOR CAIUS , to SIMPLE Sir Hugh send-a you?— Rugby, baille me some paper.—Tarry you a little-a while.	DOCTOR CAIUS , to SIMPLE Sir Hugh send-a you?— Rugby, baille me some paper.—Tarry you a little-a while.
RUGBY brings paper, and DOCTOR CAIUS writes.	RUGBY brings paper, and DOCTOR CAIUS writes.
MISTRESS QUICKLY , aside to SIMPLE I am glad he is so 95 quiet. If he had been throughly moved, you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding, man, I’ll do you your master what good I can. And the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master—I may call him my 100 master, look you, for I keep his house, and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself—	MISTRESS QUICKLY , aside to SIMPLE I am glad he is so quiet. If he had been throughly moved, you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding, man, I’ll do you your master what good I can. And the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master—I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house, and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself—
SIMPLE , aside to QUICKLY ’Tis a great charge to come under one body’s hand.	SIMPLE , aside to QUICKLY ’Tis a great charge to come under one body’s hand.
MISTRESS QUICKLY , aside to SIMPLE 105 Are you advised o’ that? You shall find it a great charge. And to be up early and down late. But notwithstanding—to tell you in your ear; I would have no words of it—my master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page. 110 But notwithstanding that, I know Anne’s mind. That’s neither here nor there.	MISTRESS QUICKLY , aside to SIMPLE Are you advised o’ that? You shall find it a great charge. And to be up early and down late. But notwithstanding—to tell you in your ear; I would have no words of it—my master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page. But notwithstanding that, I know Anne’s mind. That’s neither here nor there.
DOCTOR CAIUS , handing paper to SIMPLE You, jack’nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh. By gar, it is a shallenge. I will cut his troat in de park, and I will 115 teach a scurvy jackanape priest to meddle or make. You may be gone. It is not good you tarry here.—By gar, I will cut all his two stones. By gar, he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog.	DOCTOR CAIUS , handing paper to SIMPLE You, jack’nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh. By gar, it is a shallenge. I will cut his troat in de park, and I will teach a scurvy jackanape priest to meddle or make. You may be gone. It is not good you tarry here.—By gar, I will cut all his two stones. By gar, he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog.
SIMPLE exits.	SIMPLE exits.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Alas, he speaks but for his friend.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Alas, he speaks but for his friend.
DOCTOR CAIUS 120 It is no matter-a ver dat. Do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I vill kill de jack priest; and I have appointed mine Host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I will myself have Anne Page.	DOCTOR CAIUS It is no matter-a ver dat. Do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I vill kill de jack priest; and I have appointed mine Host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I will myself have Anne Page.
MISTRESS QUICKLY 125 Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate. What the goodyear!	MISTRESS QUICKLY Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate. What the goodyear!
DOCTOR CAIUS Rugby, come to the court with me. (To MISTRESS QUICKLY .) By gar, if I have not Anne Page, 130 I shall turn your head out of my door.—Follow my heels, Rugby.	DOCTOR CAIUS Rugby, come to the court with me. (To MISTRESS QUICKLY .) By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door.—Follow my heels, Rugby.
MISTRESS QUICKLY You shall have Anne— CAIUS and RUGBY exit. fool’s head of your own. No, I know Anne’s mind for that. Never a woman in Windsor knows more 135 of Anne’s mind than I do, nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.	MISTRESS QUICKLY You shall have Anne— CAIUS and RUGBY exit. fool’s head of your own. No, I know Anne’s mind for that. Never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne’s mind than I do, nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.
FENTON , within Who’s within there, ho?	FENTON , within Who’s within there, ho?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Who’s there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Who’s there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you.
Enter FENTON.	Enter FENTON.
FENTON 140 How now, good woman? How dost thou?	FENTON How now, good woman? How dost thou?
MISTRESS QUICKLY The better that it pleases your good Worship to ask.	MISTRESS QUICKLY The better that it pleases your good Worship to ask.
FENTON What news? How does pretty Mistress Anne?	FENTON What news? How does pretty Mistress Anne?
MISTRESS QUICKLY In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and 145 honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way, I praise heaven for it.	MISTRESS QUICKLY In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way, I praise heaven for it.
FENTON Shall I do any good, think’st thou? Shall I not lose my suit?	FENTON Shall I do any good, think’st thou? Shall I not lose my suit?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Troth, sir, all is in His hands above. 150 But notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I’ll be sworn on a book she loves you. Have not your Worship a wart above your eye?	MISTRESS QUICKLY Troth, sir, all is in His hands above. But notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I’ll be sworn on a book she loves you. Have not your Worship a wart above your eye?
FENTON Yes, marry, have I. What of that?	FENTON Yes, marry, have I. What of that?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Well, thereby hangs a tale. Good 155 faith, it is such another Nan! But, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread. We had an hour’s talk of that wart. I shall never laugh but in that maid’s company. But, indeed, she is given too much to allicholy and musing. But, for you,—well, 160 go to.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Well, thereby hangs a tale. Good faith, it is such another Nan! But, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread. We had an hour’s talk of that wart. I shall never laugh but in that maid’s company. But, indeed, she is given too much to allicholy and musing. But, for you,—well, go to.
FENTON Well, I shall see her today. Hold, there’s money for thee. (He hands her money.) Let me have thy voice in my behalf. If thou see’st her before me, commend me.	FENTON Well, I shall see her today. Hold, there’s money for thee. (He hands her money.) Let me have thy voice in my behalf. If thou see’st her before me, commend me.
MISTRESS QUICKLY 165 Will I? I’ faith, that we will. And I will tell your Worship more of the wart the next time we have confidence, and of other wooers.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Will I? I’ faith, that we will. And I will tell your Worship more of the wart the next time we have confidence, and of other wooers.
FENTON Well, farewell. I am in great haste now.	FENTON Well, farewell. I am in great haste now.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Farewell to your Worship. ( FENTON exits.) 170 Truly an honest gentleman—but Anne loves him not, for I know Anne’s mind as well as another does. Out upon ’t! What have I forgot?	MISTRESS QUICKLY Farewell to your Worship. ( FENTON exits.) Truly an honest gentleman—but Anne loves him not, for I know Anne’s mind as well as another does. Out upon ’t! What have I forgot?